Tales From A Twin Mom:
Twin Birthday Party Horror
Dear Mother Of My Daughter’s Classmate:
Last week my daughter handed your little girl a birthday invite. Let me start by saying that birthdays are a big deal in my family and although it is awfully expensive to hold a party for twins, I do my very best to make sure that they get to invite their closest friends. I would love to invite the whole classroom but being that they are in separate ones, you can only imagine the cost of forty children at a mini golf course. My daughter, picked her closest 10 friends, as did her twin. They wrote out the invites one night at the dinner table and they discussed who they were inviting. They were extremely excited to be able to see their classmates on a Saturday and were giggling as they wrote (and misspelled) many of the children’s names.
I waited seven days for replies. Nothing. Not a single text, email or call. I started to wonder if they had written out the invites incorrectly. Maybe they wrote down the wrong number under RSVP? I was wrong. Dead. Wrong. You see, it seems that the twins were also a little alarmed about the lack of RSVPs and they took it upon themselves to ask the kids they had invited if they were coming. I was floored when I heard what my daughter came home saying. Apparently when my daughter approached yours about the birthday party, your daughter told her “My mommy said I couldn’t go. She says it’s not fair that she has to buy your twin a present too.”
Breathe Julixa. Breathe.
I know that you might think that attending a twin’s birthday party means twice the cost, but it’s not. Don’t be ashamed for saying what you did, I get it.
Be ashamed of saying it in front of your seven-year-old daughter!
A better approach would’ve been to tell her that you just couldn’t make it. See, kids are the damnedest- they will say word for word what you said at home. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less what your opinion is. I care about the heartbroken little girl that I picked up from school. The little girl that, for the very first time in her life, thought being a twin was meant being at a disadvantage. The one that actually asked me that night at bed time if she could cancel her birthday party so humans like you wouldn’t get mad at her for being a twin.
I contacted the teachers the following morning and asked them to please email the parents to tell them that although it is a twin birthday party that they need not bring any presents. Their child’s presence was what my children were looking forward to. That night, a miracle happened. I received 12 RSVPs. The day of the party I made it my mission to go and talk to you, to make sure you felt comfy (NOT). My amazingly polite husband had warned me about mentioning to you what we heard, but if you know me, even a little, you know that I have issues keeping my feelings to myself. I needed you to know how crushed my child was. I needed you to know that you were an idiot for telling your daughter what you did and that maybe next time you should think twice about it.
So I did.
Then I offered you cake and walked away. I hope you felt as humiliated as my child did and that this whole experience helped you learn a lesson. I have written down a couple of options for the next time you’re invited to a twin party (someone else’s because you’re blacklisted from ours):
DIVIDE YOUR BUDGET IN HALF: If you normally give a ten dollar present at a birthday party, then just give the twins two five dollar presents. At this age, kids are just as excited about a pack of glow in the dark stickers as they are about a Barbie. Use your imagination. I have found myself flat broke on occasion before a birthday party and have discovered that some of the best gifts were creative ones that didn’t cost much.
PLAY DUMB: No one is keeping track of what child gifted what. Get that one child a present and casually say “Oh, I didn’t know she was a twin!” Trust me, that mistake has occurred before and I repeat- NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU GET.
BUY A PRESENT THAT THEY CAN SHARE: There are many craft kits that you can get for ten bucks that include several of the same items. For example: Design Your Own Bracelet Kits… You get my drift here.
The Mommy who decided to take the high road (against her will) but hopes you read this letter and bookmark it for future reference. 🙂
Are there any other mother’s of twins out there who have dealt with the birthday party conundrum? How do you handle it?