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Tales From A Twin Mom: Twin Birthday Party Horror

Tales From A Twin Mom:
Twin Birthday Party Horror


Dear Mother Of My Daughter’s Classmate:

Last week my daughter handed your little girl a birthday invite. Let me start by saying that birthdays are a big deal in my family and although it is awfully expensive to hold a party for twins, I do my very best to make sure that they get to invite their closest friends. I would love to invite the whole classroom but being that they are in separate ones, you can only imagine the cost of forty children at a mini golf course. My daughter, picked her closest 10 friends, as did her twin. They wrote out the invites one night at the dinner table and they discussed who they were inviting. They were extremely excited to be able to see their classmates on a Saturday and were giggling as they wrote (and misspelled) many of the children’s names.

I waited seven days for replies. Nothing. Not a single text, email or call. I started to wonder if they had written out the invites incorrectly. Maybe they wrote down the wrong number under RSVP? I was wrong. Dead. Wrong. You see, it seems that the twins were also a little alarmed about the lack of RSVPs and they took it upon themselves to ask the kids they had invited if they were coming. I was floored when I heard what my daughter came home saying. Apparently when my daughter approached yours about the birthday party, your daughter told her “My mommy said I couldn’t go. She says it’s not fair that she has to buy your twin a present too.”

Breathe Julixa. Breathe.

Related: Tales From A Twin Mom: Things My Children Have Taught Me 

I know that you might think that attending a twin’s birthday party means twice the cost, but it’s not. Don’t be ashamed for saying what you did, I get it.

Be ashamed of saying it in front of your seven-year-old daughter!

A better approach would’ve been to tell her that you just couldn’t make it. See, kids are the damnedest- they will say word for word what you said at home. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less what your opinion is. I care about the heartbroken little girl that I picked up from school. The little girl that, for the very first time in her life, thought being a twin was meant being at a disadvantage. The one that actually asked me that night at bed time if she could cancel her birthday party so humans like you wouldn’t get mad at her for being a twin.

I contacted the teachers the following morning and asked them to please email the parents to tell them that although it is a twin birthday party that they need not bring any presents. Their child’s presence was what my children were looking forward to. That night, a miracle happened. I received 12 RSVPs. The day of the party I made it my mission to go and talk to you, to make sure you felt comfy (NOT). My amazingly polite husband had warned me about mentioning to you what we heard, but if you know me, even a little, you know that I have issues keeping my feelings to myself. I needed you to know how crushed my child was. I needed you to know that you were an idiot for telling your daughter what you did and that maybe next time you should think twice about it.

So I did.

Then I offered you cake and walked away. I hope you felt as humiliated as my child did and that this whole experience helped you learn a lesson. I have written down a couple of options for the next time you’re invited to a twin party (someone else’s because you’re blacklisted from ours):

Related: Tales from a Twin Mom: Potty Training Thoughts Every Parent Has 

DIVIDE YOUR BUDGET IN HALF: If you normally give a ten dollar present at a birthday party, then just give the twins two five dollar presents. At this age, kids are just as excited about a pack of glow in the dark stickers as they are about a Barbie. Use your imagination. I have found myself flat broke on occasion before a birthday party and have discovered that some of the best gifts were creative ones that didn’t cost much.

PLAY DUMB: No one is keeping track of what child gifted what. Get that one child a present and casually say “Oh, I didn’t know she was a twin!” Trust me, that mistake has occurred before and I repeat- NO ONE CARES WHAT YOU GET.

BUY A PRESENT THAT THEY CAN SHARE: There are many craft kits that you can get for ten bucks that include several of the same items. For example: Design Your Own Bracelet Kits… You get my drift here.

Warmest Regards,

The Mommy who decided to take the high road (against her will) but hopes you read this letter and bookmark it for future reference. 🙂 

Are there any other mother’s of twins out there who have dealt with the birthday party conundrum? How do you handle it?



  1. Janie

    June 17, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    So, your idea of “taking the high road” is hoping someone else felt humiliated, and “blacklisting” them (and presumably their children?) from future parties? What’s your idea of the low road, then?

  2. Elbe Gee

    June 17, 2017 at 9:07 pm

    Purposefully embarrassing someone, be it child or adult, is NOT taking the high road. So, “Mommy”, hope you use this as YOUR chance to learn an important lesson.

  3. Annie

    June 17, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    I can’t get past the kids in the respective classrooms that did not get invited at all. How thoughtless of you to hand out invitations at school and leave children uninvited.

  4. Tammy Teacher

    June 17, 2017 at 11:55 pm

    Dear Mommy who thinks she took the high road, I am a teacher. When you made your arbitrary decision to invite 10 girls each, you left out 1 little girl in my class. I’m the one who got to console her tears and sobs and to try to explain how unfair life can be and how selfish some people are when she found out (and you know they do) that she was the only girl in the whole room not invited to the party. So imagine my surprise to see you complaining. Let me offer YOU some tips. DIVIDE YOUR BUDGET IN HALF. Instead of taking kids on an expensive outing like miniature golf, scale down to a cheaper activity like some croquet in the back yard. Kids will have just as much fun, and you won’t destroy a little girl’s life. PLAY DUMB – Come on the internet and gripe about your first world problems like how many birthday presents your kids get and pretend like you didn’t realize you destroyed a little girl’s world. Then contact the busy teacher and as her to email all the parents EXCEPT the little girl who didn’t get invited, so that she can’t just use her “parent distribution list” because that would just be rubbing salt in the wounds of the not invited. You my dear are a prime example of the narcissism and selfishness happening in the world today and you’ve just taught your children to think only of themselves. Shame on you.

  5. Kay Guzman

    June 19, 2017 at 9:28 pm

    End of the day it is up to the parent to decide WHAT kind of party they want and if they can’t invite the whole class, they can’t. The point here is CLOSEST friends. I know my child was not friends with ALL 20 kids in her class, so I am responsible to invite all those kids who don’t even talk to my child because they just happened to be in the same class? No. The issue was NO ONE rsvp’d because of the cost of two gifts vs one but when told NO GIFTS needed, people showed. And have it at my house? As suggested in the “backyard”? No… last thing I want is to clean up after 20 kids … this is WHY people do parties at a location… those commenting and are all upset must be the ones whose children are not invited. You know kids at a young age can be little turds as well, which may be why the invite was not extended as well… just saying…

  6. Mireylle Mentzen

    June 19, 2017 at 10:12 pm

    First of all let’s not be hypocrites cause I know as mothers we have been in both sides of the fence. If they get or not invited to a birthday we deal with it,cause that’s life. Let’s not forget kids choose who they want to invite to their birthday, and if they did it privately is precisely to avoid drama. So let’s move on to the main subject, if your kid do get invited to a birthday it doesn’t matter if is a twin or not you should do all in your power to attend. If you read or your kid tells you is a twin birthday,just not attending cause u have to buy 2 gifts is not an excuse. On top of it, saying it to your kid makes you not caring for your kids feelings or for the kid who invited them. The gifts are not important for kids is just sharing that special day with their friends. I have invited all the classroom only 2 people at the most had come, I had invited only 3 in total this year burthday (learning my lesson cause previous birthday had to return even burger buns) and only 2 came. That said is not about inviting is about being so selfish of not making the effort for your kids sake. All the suggestions are awesome and I have to say one time, my daughter received a drawing in paper decorated and the girl put inside $3.00 and I got teary eye how they hugged and my little one said best gift ever. I know sometimes we dnt like the kidS parents and still we have to just make it work cause kids are not the ones to blame for that drama. Kudos for you that you went extra mile to make sure the people chosen went. I would have done the same,going to her and standing up for your kid. I bet a lesson learned for that mom or not, either way you did your best.

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