Single Mom Slice Of Change: Another Year, Same Result.. But WAIT! : Good Enough Mother

Single Mom Slice Of Change:
Another Year, Same Result.. But WAIT!

WELL – ANOTHER YEAR HAS PASSED WHERE I DIDN’T BETTER MYSELF.

In the last two years, I’ve engaged in the most frustrating roller coaster of weight loss that threatens my sanity. I’ve been in the hospital with a heart/high blood pressure issue, I’ve lost weight, I’ve joined a gym, I’ve gained weight back, I’ve given up, I’ve learned to eat better, I’ve gotten back on track, I’ve said f*ck it all.

I am exactly where I was a year ago… minus the high blood pressure. That is now at least, officially under control. The highest point of my year – I managed to lose 30 pounds.

The lowest point?

I’ve gained it all back.

IF YOU TALKED TO OTHERS, OR IF YOU TREATED OTHERS THE WAY YOU TALK AND TREAT YOURSELF, HOW MANY FRIENDS WOULD YOU HAVE?

So what went wrong? I’ve counted my blessings, I’ve given thanks to those who support me, I’ve trusted in those who are trained to teach me, I set goals for myself… but the one thing I didn’t do was treat myself. Not in the “ooh… you’ve done well this week, you should treat yourself” kind of way, but in the, “you deserve to live without this weight riding around your waist” kind of way.

In fact, I wasn’t a good person to myself. Even after acknowledging it’s not selfish to take care of myself, I quickly resorted to hiding behind kids, work, and family to prevent doing what I needed to do. My kids are growing and will soon be gone. I accept I’ve already missed those years with them. So, how many more do I want to miss, how many places will I not go to because I’m uncomfortable, how many family pictures will I take instead of posing for?

I am a three-time published romantic suspense author by another name. Do you want to guess how many pictures there are of me to help promote those books? Zero. Not a single one. I’m ashamed to promote something I love doing because of a single thought: What if someone sees my picture and thinks, “Uh, romance from this girl? No thanks.”

I know, this is a rehash of years and posts passed. So what makes this post different? I don’t know – a feeling I have now that I didn’t have then. I said them, I wanted them, but maybe I didn’t feel them?

More importantly, having lost, and regained the weight, I am able to look back and feel the difference… and I have no one to blame but myself. Not my schedule. Not my kids.

YOU HAVE TO TEACH OTHERS HOW TO TREAT YOU.

I’ve done an amazingly craptastic job of learning to love myself, you know? Tell me I’m not alone in this battle – tell me I’m not crazy that someone else out there knows what I’m dealing with because I’ll tell you what, this is that time of year that we get to scrap all the sins of our past and start over fresh, and I want that more than anything.

Well… almost anything.

HEALTH IS NOT ABOUT THE WEIGHT YOU LOSE, BUT THE LIFE YOU GAIN…

So, in staying with the roller coaster theme, let’s do this. I’m getting off the roller coaster. By the end of 2017, I want to have accomplished (in no particular order):

***Take a picture without immediately wanting to delete it.

**Have a dance party for my birthday in June, and dance the entire night with a smile on my face.

**Let my driver license, and my scale have matching numbers… for a minute.

**Find the dimple in my cheek that I see in my childhood pictures.

**Have at least 3 doctor’s appointments where he doesn’t say, “we need to work on your weight”.

**Be forced to clothes shop for clothes in smaller sizes at least twice this year.

**Stop taking (with doctor’s permission) at least 2 of the 3 meds I’m on.

**To promote my books properly and attend at least 2 events in person.

**Inspire someone else to say, “if she did it, so can I”… because it means I’m bettering myself.

This is the time of year when we get to scrap the sins of the past and start anew. This is my list, and I’ll keep you updated as I’m able to check items off it. What is on your list? Just saying you want to do something is great! Making a visible list and sharing it is unspeakably scary… but trust that you have treated others, supported others, spoken to others so well over the years that now, they’ll be waiting in line to return the favor.