Live, Love, Blend:
A Father-Son Reunion
Four Years in the Making
I witnessed a reunion on Christmas Day that was 4 years in the making, a father and his 2 sons who have been apart way too long.
There are many reasons for the lapse. Some were within the father’s control and some were not. That doesn’t matter now. What matters is where they go from here.
As the mother of these boys I have so many conflicting emotions. I knew this day would come but I had no idea how I would feel. And honestly I’m still not sure how I feel.
My boys need their father. They need to know that he loves them. I never want to do anything to interfere with that. Still, it’s hard to step aside. I can’t control what happens with their relationship. I don’t want to. I just pray they won’t get hurt.
Also, it’s hard not knowing what to expect. I mean, in the 8 years we’ve been divorced my ex-husband just hasn’t been much of physical presence in our lives. I haven’t had to share holidays or weekends, or consult him on decisions. It only just occurred to me that this could change. Or maybe it won’t. We’ll just have to wait and see. Waiting has never been one of my strengths.
It’s hard not to wonder what their relationship will be like, how it will progress. That depends on so many things. How much pain has each boy internalized, and what will it take to relieve it? That’s perhaps one of the toughest parts about being a parent. Some things you just can’t know, can’t fix.
Children are truly the casualties of divorce. No matter the circumstances, damage is done. Their relationships with both parents are forever changed. You are no longer a nuclear family.
And then what about us, me and this man who was once my husband and best friend? Being around him is the strangest combination of awkward and comfortable. Will we one day be friends? Will we learn to co-parent, or has my momma-bear instinct grown so strong that his very presence will always have me on alert? Again, only time will tell.
For now all I know to do is love my boys and show their dad as much grace as I know how. One day at a time.