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Monday Motivation: Is THIS How Real Change Happens? (VIDEO)

Screen Shot 2016-07-08 at 6.09.10 PMMonday Motivation:
Is THIS How Real Change Happens? (VIDEO)


Hey everyone! Happy Monday.

Let me ask you something…. How many friends do you have who are unlike yourself? Different sex? Different Religion? Different orientation? Different race? Different views?

Do you take the time to learn about what their lives are like? I mean REALLY like? Do you wonder why they do what they do? Why they believe as they do? What life experience they have that, though different from your own, can ultimately enrich us all?

Take stock. If you look around and your circle is pretty homogeneous, well.. it’s time to change. Time to GROW!

BUT..change is scary and not something people embrace easily.

Related: Raisin’ In Minnesota: All The Colors In The Box: Talking To Kids About Race

This last week is a perfect example.

As you know it was a horrid, bloody week; first the shooting of Alton Sterling, a black man killed by police in Baton Rouge as he was selling music outside a convenience store. Next, Philando Castile, who was shot by an officer in his car as his fiancee live-streamed the event on Facebook.

Then came the horrific shooting of 12 police officers during a #BlackLivesMatter protest in downtown Dallas. 5 law enforcement officers were killed by a man who said he wanted to kill white cops in retaliation for Castille and Sterling.

Against this backdrop, I posted several things on my Facebook page.

First was this picture with the following text:


I’m going to just put this out here. You can do with it what you will. You can leave a comment if you want. I probably won’t respond because I’m tired. And scared. 
I am the mother of a young, black man. He’s cute, bright and a bit of a smart ass, has been since the 3rd grade. I used to laugh to myself, “He’ll be a great leader if we can get him out of grade school.” 
He’s a high school graduate, on his way to college. He has wheels and he’s cocky. Is that a crime? No.
Unless he insistently asks questions of the wrong person.
Unless he’s pulled over in the wrong neighborhood.
Unless someone thinks he looks suspicious.
And I worry.
I worry every time he walks out my door.
I worry because he is blissfully naive.. “Mom that’s not going to happen. You watch too much TV.”
Do I?
Sometimes I wonder.
And sometimes, that signal comes in loud and clear.
It was a mother’s plea.. her concern about her son, and rightfully so. One of the many responses to that post came from a woman named Paula Kay.
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Her oversimplification of the issue was astounding. But the ensuing back and forth was even more so. I would love to share with you how she detailed growing up in a poor neighborhood and how white privilege didn’t apply to her (because she grew up poor) and on and on and on but I can’t.
Because she deleted her entire comment stream, then blocked me on Facebook.
A day later, after the police shootings, I recorded a live video on Facebook. Here it is. (It’s sideways but straightens out in a minute)

That video was shared 12 times and viewed more than 2,000. A friend of mine asked her friends to watch it and some of them did, including a woman named Jill Johnson Hauser who commented (on my page). “Black people scare me.” She went on to detail why (she had been approached by 3 black men on a street at 9pm and they asked her if they could talk to her, she grew up in small town in Wisconsin and the fact that, of all the criminals she’d seen on TV the majority were black).

I would love to share her comments with you but, like Paula Kay, she also deleted them.

A day later, I posted this picture (with text below) you remember, the one of Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale when she.had.HAD IT!

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The last 24 hours on FB have been quite interesting. Mainly because I can’t really believe that people are so naive. 
1. Woman tells me teaching my son to be respectful and not to wave around a gun and he’ll go far in life. 
2. Another woman, “Black people are scary.” She reached this conclusion based on the few she’s seen in person and on TV news. 
3. Friend posts that he (a white male) was pulled over several times as a teen and he was polite therefore nothing bad happened to him. His wall is filled with people echoing his sentiment.
4.The number of friends, mostly white, who have been radio silent about this issue.


I then got cryptic comment from a Mike McNamara who was not a Facebook friend but someone who followed me.

“Thanks Rene, that was helpful.”

That was soon followed by this message on LinkedIn.

Screen Shot 2016-07-08 at 6.09.10 PM



After checking out his profile and wracking my brain to figure out where I knew him from (turns out I don’t) I began to think a bit more about his actions, which included blocking me on Twitter.

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Deciding you don’t want to associate with someone, for whatever reason, is absolutely your prerogative. But most people just quietly #Unwind; they disconnect from the person without saying a word and no one is the wiser (I have 20,000 followers on Twitter; I’m not exaggerating when I say I don’t recall a single tweet from this man. It’s fair to say he would not be missed by me).

But his last comment was meant to draw blood. It was meant to humiliate. It was meant bully. It was meant to silence.

“If you believe that, it’s cool. I pegged you for more of a leader.”

Yeah. No.

See, I recognized that exactly for what it was. Mike McNamara was trying to make me question my leadership abilities because my opinion is unlike his (I don’t think we share the same values, Rene).  And the fact that he too (Like Jill and Paula before him) wouldn’t stay and defend their side, speaks volumes. They would rather pick up their ball and bat and go home.

They really aren’t interested in people who are different from themselves; hell Mr. McNamara said that himself.

Which means they aren’t interested in changing or understanding, even if it means solving BIG problems.

According to his LinkedIn profile, Mr. McNamara works for Equifax.  Equifax is a global, Fortune 500 company. Smart companies know that diversity is good for business; diversity of thought, opinion, race, creed, color, orientation.. all of it. The fact that Mr. McNamara does not appear to be interested in people other than those who share his values, should be of great concern to a global entity that serves all people.

Related: Race and Racism: Why Is It STILL Too Hot To Handle?

There are lessons to be learned last week, from the front lines of the horrific shootings to the fallout from them.

The path to change, growth and understanding is not to delete your comments, block people who think differently and retreat to your place of safety. You stay. You learn. You share. You communicate. And then you grow together.

I’m game, even if Mike, Jill and Paula are not.

What about you? How do you think we can learn and grow together as a country?




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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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