Live Love Blend:
Should You Let Your
Kids See You Fight?
Before I begin, I must reveal that my husband and I do not agree on what I’m about to say. He thinks that kids should be shielded from their parents’ arguments. He has a very strong protective instinct and I love that about him. But I don’t agree. Let me explain and you decide.
People who live together will have disagreements. People who love each other will also irritate one another. This is reality. To me, shielding the kids and step-kids from parental discord robs them of the chance to learn about strengthening a marriage. So I say “Let ‘Em See You Fight (as long as they see you make up)”.
Related: Live, Love, Blend: Ready to Remarry?
Blendie-kids have already learned what happens when their parents don’t make up, when they give up on their marriage and each other. My fear is that our kids believe that every time parents fight, divorce is looming. My goal is to teach them that marriage takes work, and remarriage is even harder work. So while I don’t think they need to know every detail of what we’re fighting about, I do think it’s okay for them to hear the occasional raised voice. I will admit I’m trying not to let them see me really lose it and throw things. That’s probably not a beneficial lesson… other than “mom is sometimes crazy so don’t piss her off” LOL.
I’m joking a bit here, but in truth, our kids have seen me lose my cool a time or two. The important thing is that I make it a point to go to them afterwards and apologize for my behavior, explaining enough of the situation to put their minds and hearts at ease. I can only hope that I am teaching them about GRACE and FORGIVENESS, and not to break things that can’t be replaced.
My husband and I also let them see us working together to strengthen our marriage, which includes but is not limited to..
- Praying together
- Attending various marriage classes and seminars at our church
- Reading books on strengthening your relationship with God and each other
- Enjoying date nights
- Learning to communicate openly and effectively with one another
This marriage and blended family stuff is not for the faint of heart, but fight or no fight…
LOVE WINS, every time.
Okay your turn to weigh in.. do you think kids should see parents argue? Why or why not?