Raising Gaybies:

5 Days – 5 Lessons – 5 Failures


This month – I thought I would recount the last 5 days of my life with our kids. So below is what happened, what I learned, and what my kids learned.

Event: Car accident. Rear-ended by a man who admitted “not paying attention” to the road while driving.

Parent Lesson: Don’t text and drive.

Kid Lesson: Don’t ask Papa to “look at this” while he is driving.


Event: Seven-year-old daughter scratches her bug bite. Bug bite gets severely infected to the point of oozing puss.

Parent Lesson: Instruct your daughter not to go around the house telling her brother that her “pussie” hurts because that is a word you cannot add an “ie” or “y” to make it a cute way to say the word puss.

Kid Lesson: Don’t pick at a bug bite.


Event: Meltdown from one of our kids “Nobody loves me!”

Parent Lesson: Don’t expect to get any credit for anything you ever did for your kid pre-7 years old.

Kid Lesson: Love is more than words.


Event: Santa is a phony. Our son told us that since we .. “The parents”…. don’t like cauliflower, he surmises that we should leave this white vegetable out for Santa Claus this year, and if it is eaten, Santa is real, if the cauliflower is not eaten, then Santa is a fake.

Parent Lesson: Your kids will always rise above your delusion that they are still babies.

Kid Lesson: Papa and Daddy have a Christmas Eve problem.


Event: A question on a summer skills test asked if it is possible that rain could fall from the ground to the sky. Our son said it was possible.

Parent Lesson: You barely know more science than a 1st grader.

Kid Lesson: Child says water can evaporate so technically it does go up.


Parent supplemental: Child is still wrong — but enjoy the victory — it will be the last time you will be correct in science.

I hope you can either relate to these lessons, have experienced at least one of them yourself, or that they at least made you laugh!