Live, Love, Blend:
It’s Not Me, It’s You…
How to Stop Playing the Blame Game
I heard a quote the other day that has been rolling around in my brain all week. “Every adult problem is an unresolved child problem.”
On one hand, I believe there is truth in this. Nearly every problem can be traced to a root of fear or insecurity or hurt that very likely came from a seed planted during childhood. But must we blame the planter?
Perhaps a dad didn’t hug his son as a boy and now that son is a dad who struggles with showing affection. Should he blame his dad for not teaching him to be an affectionate father? Or is it now his responsibility to learn how to reach out and connect with his children?
Maybe a mom let her kids eat too much sugar or junk food growing up and now they are overweight. Sure, they can blame mom for not teaching them better eating habits, but as adults aren’t they now capable of making changes to improve their own health?
Of course, it’s much easier to blame someone else for our inadequacies. Blended families have a quadruple serving of this, I believe, because there is just so much opportunity for blame. Do any of the following statements sound familiar?
“My step-child is a brat when he comes over because his mom lets him get away with everything at her house.”
“My first marriage broke up because my spouse cheated on me.”
“My child doesn’t treat me with respect because his father never respected me.”
“My ex was such a rotten husband; that’s why I don’t trust men.”
Every one of these statements may be true. But I have another truth that you may not want to hear. It’s time to GROW UP! Put on your big girl panties and accept responsibility for the role you’ve played (or not played) in every relationship in your life.
Own up to the ways you fell short in your first marriage. Own up to any hardness of heart that may prevent you from loving your step-kids the way they need to be loved. Accept your shortcomings. Ask forgiveness where necessary. Shake it off and move forward into the life YOU design.
Blaming others makes us victims, and we are not victims. We are good enough mothers to lead and nurture yours, mine and ours.
Agree? Leave your comments here.. even if you don’t agree!