Happy Birthday Baby Boy….
I Miss You.
Today is my son’s 18th birthday.
I say this with a bit of heartache and a few tears however, I will spare all the details because I want to protect his privacy and frankly, it hurts too much to go into it all.
It hasn’t been easy, these last several years.
He knows that. Regular readers of this blog know that. He knows they know.
Just as I was about to write a long, drawn out thing about what we’ve been through, I hit the delete button.
Instead of rolling around in misunderstanding, pain, frustration and worry, I instead choose to celebrate this day.
18 years ago I was headed to the hospital to give birth to a tornado.
Pregnant and hula-hooping. Yeah.
I should have known he was headstrong then. From the moment he could talk, his favorite sentence was, “I’ll do it!”
And he has, despite the fact that at times, he has made the path harder for himself.
One of my favorite pictures of Cole
Over the past 18 years, I have watched a baby, turn into boy then boy into man.
There was a time we were close; not so much these days and that hurts like hell.
I long for the days we had an easy rapport, sharing the same sense of humor and love of dumb criminal shows.
Conversation now is short and labored; gone is the easy back and forth.
While I know he doesn’t hate me, I’d be lying if I didn’t say, I wished he’d like me more.
Maybe not more than his friends but perhaps just as much as? Is that asking too much?
One of many driver’s ed sessions..
But that’s normal, right? They grow up, move on, choose friends over parents..
Yes. Normal. Still hurts.
So on this day, I celebrate the boy I gave birth to, hope for the man he is becoming and pray that, as he spreads his wings, he remembers the launchpad and the people who love him dearly. Now and always.
Happy birthday son. I miss you.
Cole and me on a trip to California.. one I’ll never forget.