Live, Love, Blend:
Who Wears the Pants in Your Marriage?
Does the discussion of HIS and HERS roles in marriage conjure up images from the 1950’s when the little wifey wore a dress and pearls as she served dinner on fine china?
Don’t worry; I’m not trying to take us back in time. But I am going to say something that may shock you.
I think a wife should serve her husband.
Just hear me out before you freak. Let me explain, and please understand that I too am a work in progress.
Let’s begin by setting aside our rebellious or independent spirits and figure out what serving actually looks like. Here are a few examples:
- Giving him affirmation instead of judgement
- Speaking highly of him to your friends and family (even when you’re mad)
- Doing little things to please him (like buying him an occassional chocolate bar even though you wish he ate less sugar or picking up his clothes from the floor rather than complaining about the mess)
- Trusting him (this applies to believing what he tells you, as well as allowing him to make decisions without second guessing everything)
- Have sex with him… a lot.
If you’re still struggling with the idea of serving, or even just the sound of that word, know you’re not alone. Many women struggle with the concepts of service and submission, for good reason. I encourage you to look back at your own childhood and think about how you viewed the important relationships around you. Did you see your mom serving your dad? What about your grandparents?
Related: Live, Love, Blend: Ready to Remarry?
For me, I had many strong women in my family who were married to quiet men. I thought the wife was meant to be the strong, vocal person in the marriage, the one who called all the shots. Then one of the strong women in my life remarried into a relationship that took away her voice. That further solidified my inner belief that women needed to be in charge. I bought in to the lie that to love a strong man meant to lose one’s own strength. That belief is what lead to the imbalance of my first marriage in which friends referred to my husband as the “other child”.
This is not the case in a healthy marriage. Healthy partners serve each other!
You will find that the more ways you find to serve your husband, the more you open up deeper levels of intimacy, the good kind of emotional intimacy that we women crave.
Related: 10 from GEM: 10 Tips for Romance
As an added bonus, you’ll discover the more you unselfishly give to your spouse, the more he will want to give to you. Generosity right in your own home. What a concept! Imagine what it would feel like to generously give and get LOVE, SEX, CONVERSATION, INTIMACY, LAUGHTER, STRENGTH….
What would you add to the list?
Those of us that have been married before think we’re experts in what it takes to have a healthy marriage, but the truth is we’re experts in what it takes to lose a marriage. Making a marriage work is new territory in which we can never stop learning and working to improve.
Will you give it try? How can you serve your spouse today?