Tales From A Twin Mom:
What to do when the invite isn’t for TWO!
One of my six year old twins was recently invited to a birthday party. The other was not. I didn’t think anything of it at first, as the twin that wasn’t invited is not the sensitive type. It wasn’t until the night before that I noticed a mood swing when I reminded the kids of the differing plans. The uninvited twin, usually upbeat and always ready to entertain, was suddenly sullen and quiet. It was then that I realized I had to make sure the next day was one to remember; for both of them.
Breathe- then breathe again
Take a moment to breathe and come up with excuses for this mishap. Maybe the parents of the child did not know they had a twin. Are they in the same class? Could it be that they only invited the classmates? Anything could’ve happened here. It could be that the parents are on a strict budget; and let’s face it, that is completely understandable. They could also be idiots, but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt here. Take a breather and calm down. Remember that the kids may be looking at you-and if you react in a crazy manner (like I would), the twin that was invited might think it’s his/her fault-which it’s clearly not.
Keep in Mind- Mistakes Happen
Last week, a mom dropped off her daughter at the skating rink where my oldest daughter was having her birthday party. We stood there and spoke for a while, and she asked if my little ones were twins. We chatted for a bit, and she casually mentioned that the daughter that was invited to the party was a twin herself. I was floored. I asked her where her other daughter was, and why she didn’t mention it to me when she RSVP’d. Apparently, the twins are not in the same classroom, but the one that we didn’t invite was sitting home crying because she wanted to attend as well. SEE? Sh*t happens. I immediately asked the mom if she could pick up the twin that she left at home. I explained to her that I had told my oldest daughter to only invite a few kids from her class and that was the reason both girls weren’t invited. Ten minutes later, both girls were laughing together and having a great time-if taking baby steps and holding onto the wall of the skating rink can be called a good time.
Had this mother and I not spoken for a bit, I would’ve hurt this child the very same way that my little girl was hurting today. Sometimes people don’t realize what they have done, but if you don’t speak up they will never know.
Plan a special day together
If having both children go to the party is not an option, then it’s time to make alternate plans. Have the child that was not invited pick out an activity during the time that the party is taking place. This works out nicely because they both get to have fun and you get to spend some quality time with one child. I have always been a fan of making one on one time for each twin, and this is a great opportunity for a nice memory. Make sure you have a conversation with your child about how these things happen sometimes, and that maybe one day it will be the other way around. We have to teach our children that life is sometimes a little unfair, but that it’s how you handle these things that’s important.
Stay in the loop
If you’d like to be the kind of game-changing mom that keeps this from happening to other sets of twins, get familiar with your childrens’ friends. Ask them questions. We always know about all the sets of twins in their school. It makes for a more interesting event when we are at those usually awkward school functions knowing other parents with that common bond. We kind of flock together into our own social club. As parents of multiples, we are an elite group anyway!