Ask Rene:
Stability Or Smokin’ Sex? Which Is The Better Option?


Hi Rene:

I hope you don’t think I’m being shallow but I need a second opinion. I’m seeing two men and they could not be more different. I’ve known Thomas since we were in middle school (we’re in our late 20’s now). He’s an amazingly compassionate, caring guy; he’s also smart, considerate and has a great job. But there is no heat in the sex department. Zero.Zip.Zilch. It’s not just boring, it’s infrequent as well!

And then there’s Greg. The proverbial “bad boy”; the chemistry between us was off the charts from the moment we met six months ago. All he has to do is look at me from across the table and it’s on! The problem is, while our life between the sheets is smokin’, we don’t have much else in common. In fact, Greg tends to be selfish, lazy and works in a job with no opportunity for advancement. But even if there was opportunity, he won’t go for it, he’s not that kind of guy. He works for his hard-partying weekends.

Help, Rene! When I think about a future with each guy, I can’t decide who to settle down with. How important is great sex in a relationship?


Decisions, Decisions in Dallas



Oh D.D.

Please forgive me for being so blunt but I will assume the reason you don’t know the answer to this is because your brain, which his supposed to reside somewhere between your ears, has been spending far too much time in your nether regions. REALLY? Come on now. Seein’ as I don’t know either of these guys, I can’t make the decision for you. But here’s what I’m thinking.


1. Smokin' Sex Does Not Last

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D.D. ever buy a new car? Oh, the thrill of driving it off the lot! For the first week, you are giddy, intoxicated by the newness of it all. Pretty soon, you've seen all the bells and whistles and you know just how hard to press the accelerator to get it to go. The whole experience of driving it, while once thrilling, has become, well, sort of mundane. Get where I’m going with this? Look, we were all 29 once, with perky breasts, a small waist, confidence and a full complement of hormones. But things change and while sex is an important part of a good relationship, it’s not THE most important thing. In long-term (and successful) relationships, that lust is eventually replaced by the deeper, more lasting love. Unfortunately, the comfort of that can get tedious and boring, which just means you have to work harder.