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Ask Rene: My Sex Drive Has Left The Building. Help!

lost sex drive

Ask Rene:
My Sex Drive Has Left The Building. Help!


Dear Rene:

I’m hoping you can help.

I’m only 40, and have been in a relationship for two years. The sex has always been great and plenty of it! But just in the last few months I have withdrawn and haven’t been in the mood!

It’s gotten to the point where my man actually asked if there was another man in my life! Now I’m hurt and angry with him for even thinking that!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? Desperately in need of some help!!!


Not in the mood



Hi, Not in the Mood:

Let me preface this by saying I am not a doctor, but I am a woman in her 40’s so I can relate to what you’re saying and from what I’ve read and heard from my own girlfriends, it’s not all that uncommon for a woman to lose or at least experience a lagging sex drive. Hormones start to go all wonky and then there’s this thing called life that gets in the way. So from my strictly layperson perspective, I think you need to fight this on three fronts, the physical, mental and emotional.


3. Emotional

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This is where your boyfriend is going to have to step up. There’s a lot going on with you at the moment, so he’ll have to pull up to the table and order a big helping of patience and understanding. Instead of questioning why you’re never in the mood, he may have to work harder to get you there. And, as I said before, even if your mind is willing, you may have to take another step to get your body on the same page.

I also think you’re just running into the thing that happens in most relationships, boredom. After two years, you basically know every turn on that road so you have to work a bit harder to make the journey exciting. Maybe a nice dinner, dancing, a movie, whatever WITHOUT the expectation of sex at the end of the evening; what a lovely surprise. And you never know what might happen when the pressure to perform is off.

The good news here is that you’re not the first woman to go through this and you won’t be the last. The trick is to navigate through this so you remain happy and healthy through this next phase of your life.

Good luck!

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(Editor's note: This piece ran in its original format on 7/15/2011)

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