My Friends Are Fighting – Get Me Out Of Here!
Claire, Linda and I have been friends since high school. We’ve shared everything with each other, through good times and bad. We’ve had a few disagreements over the years, but have always worked them out and kept our friendships intact. Until now.
Claire and Linda had a huge fight and are now not speaking to each other. I thought the two of them would eventually work it out, but it’s been almost six months now.
I’ve been able to keep my friendship going with each of them by staying out of the disagreement. In the beginning neither one wanted to talk about the fight or each other, so I remained friends with each of them separately. But the truth is I miss our circle of three friendship.
The other day, Claire told me that she didn’t think I should be friends with Linda anymore. Claire thinks that as a true friend I should choose a side and pick one friend over the other. I really don’t want to lose either of their friendships but feel that I may end up losing them both.
Rene, should I choose sides or better yet how can I get my friends back together?
I’m going to start with the end of your letter first. You asked, “should I choose sides or better yet how can I get my friends back together?” No, and you cannot. Here’s why . . .
1. Choosing Sides Is Out Of The Question
While I know this is difficult for you as you are placed firmly in the middle, you have to remember this is THEIR issue and as such, it is for them to work out. You getting in there, trying to smooth it over will not make it better and could potentially make it much worse. You know, at first blush, you want to say, “What is this, the third grade?” But emotion is one of those funny things that sometimes doesn’t make a lot of sense. I’ve been in situations like this myself and I know that once someone gets on my bad side, they might as well get comfortable there because it’s going to take a LONG time for them to get back; I have to process the anger and emotion before I can even get to the proverbial “cooling off” period. That might be the case with one or both of these women too. So for right now, let sleeping dogs lie.