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Ask Rene: Is It Too Soon To Introduce My New Boyfriend To My Son?

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Ask Rene:
Is It Too Soon To Introduce My New Boyfriend To My Son?

 

Hi Rene,

I have been dating a guy for 3 months and he’s amazing. We have a wonderful time together and he is a great guy. The problem is, I haven’t let him meet my son yet. He knows I have a son and he is eager to meet him but I have been burned in the past introducing my son to men who don’t end up staying around. Now that my son is old enough to really understand what is happening (he’s 8), I feel even more cautious. I don’t want men coming in and out of his life. He gets enough of that from his father.

My son means the world to me and I want the man I love to love my child but I’ve only been with my boyfriend for 3 months. All of my friends have different opinions. Some say I should just get it out of the way if I think this guy has serious potential. Others say I should only have my son meet the man I plan to marry. I don’t know which is better. What do you think Rene? Should I introduce my son to my boyfriend now or wait?

Pam, Philadelphia

 

 

Hey Pam:

Thanks for writing in. New relationships are so fun and exciting, but they can be hard work and that’s just when two people are involved; they take on added dimension when a child is a part of the equation. In this case, while the relationship is between you and the new man, your son, though just a little guy, casts a large shadow over it, as well he should.

I’m actually quite encouraged you’re thinking this way; your son is your primary responsibility and if his father is a bit of a flake, he’s probably desperate for the stability you provide. Having said that he’s not a baby; he’s eight years old, surely old enough to understand that everyone, even adults, need friends too. Okay so here’s what I would do if I were in your shoes:

 

2. Make Sure The Relationship Is Serious

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I’m no psychologist but just my mommy instinct tells me it’s probably not a great idea for you to be bringing people that you are seeing casually into your home. My friend Brandi Mitchell says the same thing in her book, The Blended Family Survival Guide. Brandi says a big part of the problem is that kids can get attached to the person very quickly and if things don’t work out, then they also have a broken heart to mend. You have already stated that things are going well but only say that the new relationship has “potential.” I would hold off on any introductions until potential becomes more concrete.

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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