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Ask Rene: Single Mom Looking For Love

Two Wedding Rings Resting Together

Ask Rene:
Single Mom Looking For Love

 

Hello Rene –

I am a single mother of two boys. One is ten and the other is four. My children are by two different men. I have never been married but I desire to be.

I spend all of my time with my children because I have no babysitters (limited funds) and my children do not get to visit their dads often (father’s choices).

I don’t know how to be approachable without looking like the desperate mom who wants someone to share her life with someone. Dating has proved to be virtually non-existent. I feel like I will never get married.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s that I want to be married or that I just want to be okay with being alone.

Any suggestions? Thanks in advance.

Signed: Alone in Alabama

 

 

Dear Alone:

I’m glad you wrote because you have quite a bit of work to do. It won’t be impossible but it won’t be easy either and it starts by changing your focus. Instead of looking externally, time to turn the microscope inward.

 

2. Set Goals And Be Clear On Them

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It doesn’t sound like you’re really even sure about what you want so start there. Do you want to be married with all of the bliss, coupled with the muck and mire? Because marriage is hard work, one of the hardest things you will ever do. Not to be a downer, but the statistics on divorce in second marriages or stepfamilies are not encouraging at all. For those reasons, you need to be REALLY clear, committed and certain about this step.

But back to setting goals. I know sometimes life can be overwhelming so it helps to break it down into smaller, more manageable chunks. I would start a list of big goals, those that will take years to accomplish, and little goals that can be accomplished in a day, week or month.  Under big goals, you can put continue education, get a degree, get a good job, save for boys’ education and so on. Under the smaller goals (don’t laugh), they can be, get a shower and out of the house (hey, I know what its like with young children), go to the library, make calls about going back to school, check out childcare options and the like. I have said this before and I believe it; you can’t steer a still ship, so just get moving. Go in any direction and if it turns out to be the wrong one, you can course correct. But you have to start somewhere.

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