Ask Rene:
My Adult Daughter Won’t Speak To Me! Help!


Dear Rene:

My 23-year-old daughter and I had a falling out and now she has basically cut me off.

She’s become very has become very distant, even going as far as to say she never wants to hear from me again. The problem is she is not a very competent mother of her 5 ½-month-old boy, Xander.

I have always been as supportive as I can be but she won’t listen to me and I cannot stand by and watch her royally screw up Xander. What do you suggest? I do see a psychiatrist every month or two for anxiety and insomnia. How can I get my daughter and/or family to seek counseling with me or even for themselves?

Thanks Rene,

A Stressed Mess


Dear Stressed:

I am sorry you and your daughter are going through this uncomfortable time. I have always thought the mother daughter relationship is one fraught with pitfalls and misunderstandings. But honestly, without knowing more of what’s going on, it’s hard for me to know what to suggest. But with just the high points you have hit here, there are three things to focus on.

1. Your Daughter

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I’m not sure what caused the falling out but remember time heals all (or most) wounds. I would just give her a little space and opportunity to really miss you. If you are as supportive as you say you are, she will come back. Now I’m reading into the situation here and on the one hand you say you are supportive but in the preceding breath you say that she is not a very good mother. If I were a bettin’ woman, I would guess that’s what the fight was about. I went through this with another reader recently so I’m going to suggest a similar solution. You’re going to have to back off. Unless Xander is in imminent danger, your daughter is going to have to learn how to take care of him herself. In fact, you would be doing a disservice to her and the baby by undermining her budding confidence. So as long as he’s safe, let her learn.