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Ask Rene: An Affair To Remember . . . Or Not?


Ask Rene:
An Affair To Remember . . .
Or Not?

Hi Rene,

My husband John and I have been married for 14 generally happy years and have a young daughter called Katie, who’s two-years-old.

Recently however I found out through my friend, Tina, that John had a one-night stand just before we were married. It was with an old friend we’ve now lost touch with and we’re talking 15 years ago – but Tina thinks I should Facebook the old friend and find out what happened – and confront my husband!

I’m honestly not sure what to do. Part of me thinks it was so long ago that I should just let it lie. But then part of me really wants to know the truth. Plus I’m worried that if John did this once – could he do it again? Do I really know my husband and what he’s capable of?

What would you do Rene? Would you keep quiet – or want to dig deeper, knowing you could be digging up a can of worms? Is it worth getting worked up over an ancient one-night stand?

Stressed out!

Stevie, Milwaukee

Dear Stevie:

This problem, if you want to call it that, has a simple, one-word answer. NO. No, it is not worth digging up ancient history or getting worked up over a one-night stand from more than a decade ago. You sound more ambivalent than anything else, like you almost feel like you’re SUPPOSED to be angry, but really are not. I think that’s because even you know chasing this down is sort of silly. You might be more curious than else and you know what they say about curiosity! Here’s why you’re gonna leave this in the past where it belongs:


1. It Happened 15 Years Ago!

Image 1 of 4

You have moved on, you have built a life and a future with this man. You have a baby and admit yourself that the years have been “generally happy.” One of the things I like to do is approach certain situations like a chess game where you examine each move and it’s effect/outcome. Let’s say you go ahead and friend this woman on Facebook. If she even accepts your request, then what? You’re gonna just blurt out “I hear you slept with my husband before he was my husband.” She says, “Uh…” because first she’s trying to sift through 15 years of memories, then she’ll try to formulate an answer, all the while wondering, “WHAT THE HELL? That was 15 years ago!” She’ll be left scratching her head and you’ll be left feeling awkward and foolish.

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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