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Ask Rene: My Mother’s Timing Is Always OFF!

Mother feeding baby and  using  latopAsk Rene:
My Mother’s Timing Is Always OFF!

Hey Rene:

 What do I do now?

My mother is pretty mad at me, and I need help to figure out how to smooth this over. I’m a stay-at-home mom so, obviously, I’m home a lot. However, this doesn’t mean I’m not busy taking care of the household.

My mother likes to stop by quite frequently. She calls, but it’s always when she’s in the car and just a few blocks away. The assumption is that since she called first and I’m home, she can just come by anytime.

I finally had enough of her dropping by at her convenience, and I told her that it wasn’t a good time (the children were napping) and asked if we could plan the times she comes over going forward. She got really angry with me and accused me of trying to keep her from seeing her grandchildren. I’m doing no such thing, of course, but I do need her to value my time.

Signed:

 Bad Timing In Bakersfield

 

Dear Bad Timing:

I hear this a lot from SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) moms and remember it well when my kids were younger, even though it was for such a short time. Now as a WAHM (Work At Home Mom) I find it interesting how many people (relatives included) don’t understand that a person’s schedule is important, no matter what they do and where they do it. In your case, it is complicated by the fact that there are little ones involved who NEED routine.

I don’t think your mother is intentionally trying to throw a wrench in the works.. in fact she may think she’s doing you a favor by coming over when she’s in the neighborhood.

Um.

No.

The good news? I think the fix is pretty easy. So here’s what I would do if I were you.

3. If All Else Fails.....

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If your mother insists on coming over at inopportune times, don't offer her tea, give her a broom. Or a mop. Or a vacuum. Your schedule (and you do have one) does not stop because she came by. If she comes over while kids are napping, don't wake them up; she'll just have to arrange to see them another time. But she can help do dishes, laundry or meal prep while you catch your breath.

Or.. she can stick to the schedule and come by when it's convenient for you as well as for her.

Good luck, mommy!

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