Ask Rene:
My Mother’s Timing Is Always OFF!
Hey Rene:
What do I do now?
My mother is pretty mad at me, and I need help to figure out how to smooth this over. I’m a stay-at-home mom so, obviously, I’m home a lot. However, this doesn’t mean I’m not busy taking care of the household.
My mother likes to stop by quite frequently. She calls, but it’s always when she’s in the car and just a few blocks away. The assumption is that since she called first and I’m home, she can just come by anytime.
I finally had enough of her dropping by at her convenience, and I told her that it wasn’t a good time (the children were napping) and asked if we could plan the times she comes over going forward. She got really angry with me and accused me of trying to keep her from seeing her grandchildren. I’m doing no such thing, of course, but I do need her to value my time.
Signed:
Bad Timing In Bakersfield
Dear Bad Timing:
I hear this a lot from SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) moms and remember it well when my kids were younger, even though it was for such a short time. Now as a WAHM (Work At Home Mom) I find it interesting how many people (relatives included) don’t understand that a person’s schedule is important, no matter what they do and where they do it. In your case, it is complicated by the fact that there are little ones involved who NEED routine.
I don’t think your mother is intentionally trying to throw a wrench in the works.. in fact she may think she’s doing you a favor by coming over when she’s in the neighborhood.
Um.
No.
The good news? I think the fix is pretty easy. So here’s what I would do if I were you.
1. Be Clear
You know that old saying about fences making good neighbors? The same applies here, only the fences are figurative. The devil is always in the detail so don't leave anything to chance. Tell your mother you love her and enjoy the time you spend together but there are two little people who you also love and their needs are more pressing. I'm a big fan of explaining things clearly so how about sending your mom your weekly schedule? Let her know what you have planned, when the kids will be napping and when are the best times for her to come over. Plan it out, agree to it and then...
