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Ask Rene: My Ex Let My Son Get Pierced.. And I’m PISSED!

pierced ear

Ask Rene:
My Ex Let My Son Get Pierced.. And I’m PISSED!


Rene, you have teenagers. I know you can help me with this. My son wants to do things that I object to like pierce his ear and get a tattoo. I’m divorced from his dad, who isn’t too strict about these things. My ex took our son to have his ear pierced and I was livid because they both knew my feelings about this. I can’t believe they went behind my back. I made my son take the earring out and now he won’t talk to me. He literally hasn’t said a word to me in almost two weeks. The tension around here is high and I want to end this.


Peacemaker in Pittsburg


Dear PiP:

Wait.. WHAT?

YIKES!  GEM Contributor Wilma Jones (who writes Better Not Bitter) is really keen on working hard to make the co-parenting relationship the best it can be so that all parties benefit but especially the children. That doesn’t sound like that was the case here. So here are a couple of things going through my head as I read your question and what I would do if I were you.


1. Talk. Talk. TALK!

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And the first conversation needs to be with the ex. What.the.HELL? He knew how you felt about piercings.. this was incredibly disrespectful! Though divorce is not my area of expertise, I can't help but think this flies in the face of whatever agreement you may have, especially if you are the custodial parent and the child is a minor. You can't let this one slide. So call him up and put the hammer down!


  1. Monica

    December 26, 2014 at 8:28 am

    From the other side of the glass, if they have joint custody, the father has as much right to get his ear pierced as she does to forbid it. I have a friend whose ex father-in-law died when her son was 12. All the men in the family got a small tattoo in his honor. Her son always wanted one, like his dad and uncles. She said no, which at 12 I understood completely. But for his 16th birthday his dad took him and got it done anyway. His arguement was that C was his son too, they had joint custody which meant that legally he had as much right to make that decision as she did, and that her Rufus a to even discuss it with him or C wasn’t allowing them to make the decisions gor there son together. I’m still not sure where exactly I fall on this one, especially since tattoos are much more permanent than piercings, but maybe her refusal to even consider the matter and talk it out with them is part of the problem. I know there are choices my husband sometimes makes with my son I don’t agree with 100%, but he is his parent too, and refusing to consider his opinion, and sometimes let him make those decisions, is important since he is a wonderful dad.

  2. TeeGeeAck

    December 26, 2014 at 9:51 am

    My son wanted to get his ear pierced when he was 7. I said SURE.
    His teacher called me on the phone after I had told him we were
    gonna do it that weekend. His teacher told me “Just a heads up, Johnny keeps talking about getting his ear pierced, I told him it was inappropriate.” I was like “Im taking him this weekend, I promised him”
    I took him that weekend and his teacher was livid.
    She was also livid when I gave her gold candles that xmas, saying out loud in front of me and the other teachers, “GOLD CANDLES?? Everyone knows my house is done all in silver” I had never seen or been to her house.

    Fashion is fashion….men in the 1700s had long hair and wore more feminine clothing and ruffles than we do today.
    Kids who are allowed to be themselves and get muddy and be daredevils as kids grow up to be far more secure and happy.

    Lighten up.Give him the earring back and tell him when he turns 18, he can make up his mind about a tattoo…

    BTW my son removed his earring a year later, he hated that thing poking him in the back of the ear.

    These 2 things have nothing to do with whether your son is a good person or not. This younger generation doesmt look at tattoos or earrings on men the same way as you do. In South America and Mexico baby girls get pierced in the maternity ward.

    Stop worrying about fashion. . worry about the human being he is…If hes a good kid youve done an excellent job and an earring isnt gonna change that.

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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