Children in conflict fight for toy

Ask Rene:
My Kids’ Fighting Is Driving.Me. CRAZY!

 

I have four kids, ages 7 through 14. They fight all the time about anything and everything. The 14-year-old actually fights with the 7-year-old. It’s nothing physical, but all the yelling and screaming is driving me crazy. I’m tired of being a referee in my own home. Any advice on how to deal?

Signed: 

Crazed in Colorado

 

Hey C in C,

Dear Lord.. I GET it! Well truth be, there was just a small period of time where my kids did not get along. I chalked that up to the fact that they were a boy and a girl. I do have friends with daughters who fought like crazy growing up (for some reason it didn’t seem as bad with my friends who  had boys). So in watching them, I learned a ting or two. Here’s what I would do if I were you.

 

2. Be Clear On Rewards And Punishments

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Once you're clear on expectations, you need to make sure that they follow through. That means a system of consistent rewards and punishments. You know what the most important word was in there? CONSISTENT! Punishments and rewards fail to change behavior when they are not followed through on. So make sure whatever you say you're going to do, you are able to carry out; otherwise you run the risk of becoming a paper tiger. If you say it, mean it. Then do it.