Cheating

Ask Rene:
My Teenager Cheated Then Lied About It! Help!

 

Hi Rene,

Here’s my problem. I recently discovered that my 13-year-old son, Thomas, cheated on an important test – and I’m not sure if I should tell his school – or keep his punishment private.

I found out from a friend of Thomas’s who said he’d smuggled a set of answers into the test room. When I confronted Thomas he denied everything – but then I found the answers in the bottom of his bag – and he confessed.

It’s really shaken everything I believe about my son. Tom has always been an A grade student and I was very proud of his academic record – but now I’m starting to question how honest he’s been in the past – and he will be in the future.

I also don’t know what an appropriate punishment should be – and if I should tell anyone. If I report the incident to his school I worry it might hurt Thomas’s reputation among the teachers – and set him back academically.

I’d love to hear your advice Rene… have you ever been in a situation like this yourself?

Best

Rikki, Memphis

 

Dear Rikki:

What a bummer; I can certainly understand your disappointment. After reading your letter I started doing some research on cheating and found that among other things, it has risen dramatically over the last 50 years. But the saddest part to me was that cheating has lost the stigma once associated with it. In other words, it’s not something kids (and perhaps their parents) are ashamed of anymore.

Is it a result of our get rich quick society? Have we seen too many cases of kids and adults behaving badly and not just getting away with it but also getting AHEAD with it? I think the answer is yes to both of those. The question is how do you handle it in your own home and while I have not been in this (school) situation yet and pray I never am, here’s what I would suggest.

You need to make sure Thomas understands the moral code of conduct for YOUR family. This is not about laws and legality; this is about what you expect of him and what he should expect of himself. At 13 years old he is old enough to understand why this is important. There are three points you will want to hit upon . . .

 

1. He Lied To You

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I must confess this is the thing that gets my goat with these kids. Maybe the fact that they think I’m that dumb and won’t figure it out or maybe because I have such high expectations for their morality; either way, it chaps my fanny when they try to pull one over on me. They are still in the stage where a good stern look will make then crack like a cheap safe and once they admit they lied, there is a punishment that MUST be followed through on.