Dear Diary


Ask Rene:
I Read My Teenage Daughter’s Diary
And She Is Having SEX!


Hi Rene,

I’m afraid this one is a big one!

My husband Jim and I just discovered that our 15-year-old daughter, Katie, is sleeping with her boyfriend, Andy. I found out after reading her secret diary.

We’re both really shocked as we thought Katie was a good girl and that we had an honest and open relationship with her. I’m so upset that she felt she couldn’t talk to us – and that she’s been carrying on behind our backs.

Andy is a year older than Katie and is a generally good kid (or so we thought) but my husband is furious and wants to report him for sex with a minor. I’ve managed to keep him from telling anyone as I know it will tear our family apart – but he’s really, really angry and ready to explode.

Meanwhile Katie is very upset that we read her diary and threatening to run away.

The whole situation is a big mess and I have two other (younger) kids caught in the crossfire.

What do I do Rene?

Thanks,

Kellie in Ohio

 

Dear Kellie:

I’m afraid you are right; this is a big one and to be honest, I’m having a little bit of trouble not being pissed at you myself. There are several parts to this issue: The reading of her diary and violation of trust that goes with it, the fact that she is having sex with her boyfriend and where to go from here.

1. The Reading Of Her Diary

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For the life of me I cannot understand why you felt the need to cross that trust barrier. Did you suspect she was sleeping with her boyfriend or were you just curious about another issue? How did you THINK this was going to turn out? Did you think at all before you cracked the spine on that private book? Yes you pay the mortgage, yes it is your house, but there is a reason they call them SECRET diaries; there are things in there she doesn’t want you or anyone else to know about. It’s probably mostly innocuous stuff, like fights with girls at school or teachers she thinks are cute or in this case, her budding sexuality. But it was her stuff nonetheless and none of your business. I think the fact that you felt the need to go into her personal stuff means you doubted all along your open communication with Katie and might have a little bit of trouble realizing your baby is growing up and developing thoughts, feelings and ultimately a life of her own.