Happy Monday everyone! Here’s hoping you are recovering from a rockin’ weekend and are ready to tackle another work week.
As you read this, I’m headed to the airport and ultimately Las Vegas, Nevada for the final Sweet Retreats shoot of the season. But there’s a bit more to the story.
ABC is shutting down the Live Well Network which of course means, Sweet Retreats is going away too. There is a chance it will land on another network but that’s anybody’s guess as to whether or when that will happen.
The hard reality is that, after next week, I’ll have no TV job. Of course, I’ll keep busy here with Good Enough Mother but as anyone who runs a website knows, you don’t get rich doing that. Heck I’m not even trying to get rich; I’ll settle for keeping a roof over my head!
I was thinking about that the other day and it hit me like a ton of bricks. For the first time in a couple of years, I will have no regular income.
And then the beast that is fear set in.
I hate fear. I hate the way it makes me feel and I hate the things it makes me do.
Me back at CBS
You see that picture up there? That was one of my official head shots when I worked at CBS. And while I am happy with the way it looks, I remember how I FELT while it was being taken.
I felt fear. I was afraid. I was worried that at any time, all of it, the job, the salary, the perks (yeah, there were a few of those) could be taken away. I clearly remember thinking I wasn’t deserving of the opportunity (even though I had worked hard to get there) and that I was an imposter who didn’t quite belong .
As a result, I made it my mission to go along to get along; to keep my head down and my mouth shut lest someone “find me out.”
Ugh. What a horrible way to go.
Looking back on it now, I hated that I didn’t speak up when I should have and that I let some people run roughshod over me.
And in the end, guess what happened?
I got fired anyway.
All my agreeing and hard work didn’t help save my job. Add to that, I felt like a bit of a sellout.
But you know what else happened? Life went on. I didn’t die, in fact I got stronger.
Fear is a funny thing, like a boogeyman.. an ominous presence that is actually much larger and pervasive in its intangible form.
Once the very thing that I was so terrified of actually happened, it freed me up to deal with the reality.
And you know what? It was (and is) hard but it certainly wasn’t the end of the world.
I have no idea what is going to happen next Monday. I’m not sure when, where or if my next TV opportunity will come.
But I do know that this time next week, I’ll be sitting at my desk at Good Enough Mother Enterprises, working away on something.
Giving up is just not an option; it wasn’t then and it’s not now.
What about you? Have you ever been in a situation where fear took on a great role that it shouldn’t have? How did you tame the beast that is fear?