The GEM Debate: Sexual Dissatisfaction In A Spreadsheet: Was This Husband Wrong For This?

It’s no secret that, at some point, one or both people in a long-term relationship or marriage can become unhappy with the amount of sex they’re having or not having. So many things can derail a productive sex life: kids, opposing work schedules, pressures on the job, lack of spontaneity, and even lack of desire. One husband, who is fed up with his wife not having sex with him, decided to keep track of it.

His wife, a Reddit user, posted the spreadsheet above detailing all the times they didn’t have sex over seven weeks and the reasons why she didn’t want to after he made an attempt. She explains:

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my ”excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his ‘document’, we’ve only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 “attempts” on his part.

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Look, you won’t get any argument from me about sex being part of a healthy relationship. The husband is not happy with having sex only three times in seven weeks, and I totally get that. Any person has a right to voice his or her concerns about the level of intimacy in a relationship. The husband is not a bad guy because he’s speaking up. He’s not even a bad guy because of the spreadsheet (although the business-like nature of it might throw me off).

One reason this husband is a ___ (insert your favorite expletive here) is that he sent this spreadsheet to his wife’s work email. Let that sink in for a moment. Employers have access to their employees’ email. I’m not saying all employers make a habit of checking employee email, but I am saying nobody wants this kind of email to be sent to their job. Not only that, the husband waited to send this email as she was headed out of town and refused to take her phone calls when she inevitably tried to find out what the hell.

The wife isn’t off the hook, either. She’s the one who took this problem to a public forum looking for other Reddit users’ thoughts. Maybe she was so dumbfounded by the spreadsheet that she wanted to hear what she should do from 1,000 of her closest friends. I don’t know what was going on in her head, but making this very private thing public isn’t going to by helpful to this couple’s relationship. This could be the beginning of the end for them, unless they start marriage therapy, like, yesterday.

Also, I don’t think spouses should make constant excuses for why they can’t have sex. We all have days when we don’t feel well or we’re tired and it’s just not going to happen, but if those excuses are playing on repeat, it’s time to start opening the lines of communication about what’s going on and how it can be resolved. Both the husband and wife are party to their problems.

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What do you say about the spreadsheet? Was the husband out of line? What would you do if you received a similar spreadsheet? Share your thoughts below or join the conversation on Facebook.