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Raising Gaybies: Don’t Say Masturbate, PLEASE!

BennettAndSon

Raising Gaybies:
Don’t Say Masturbate, PLEASE!

 

The “where do babies come from” talk can be a difficult and sometimes touchy one. It is a little more complex, given the fact that we are a same-sex couple, raising our twins. So a recent conversation between our 5-year-old son and daughter went like this:

Gregory: Papa, who is your mom?

Papa: Grandma.

Gregory: How is she your mom?

Papa: Because she is.

Gregory:Then why isn’t Sally our mom? [Sally is our surrogate –not her real name – and the kids know about her]

Papa: Well, she isn’t.

Gregory: Why Papa?

Papa: Oh, who wants to listen to “Let it go” for the 1,425th time?

2 HOURS PASS –

Related: Raising Gaybies: And Who Is HE?

Papa: Gregory, I want to try to answer your question. You see you were in Sally’s tummy but we are your fathers. It’s not who makes you it’s who raises you.

Gregory: How did you make us?

SLOW BEADS OF SWEAT FORM ON MY FOREHEAD –

Papa: Well, you see those plants over there, they start from a seed and when you grow up you will have a seed inside you and Liliana will have eggs. So when the seeds and the egg meet – they grow and form a baby.

Gregory: Where is your seed Papa?

Papa: Well, it’s in my body

Gregory: How do you get it out?

PAUSE – LOSS OF BREATH – NEED OXYGEN – HE WANTS TO KNOW HOW I GET MY SEED OUT OF MY BODY – YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME – I AM NOT EXPLAINING TO HIM THAT I HAD TO MASTERBATE INTO A DIXIE CUP.

Related: Raising Gaybies: Shut UP And Wear Beige 

Papa: Well, when you are older, I will explain it to you.

Gregory: But Papa, where is the seed, how do you get it out of you?

Papa: Well… ummmm.

Liliana: Papa, I have a question!

NO WAY – REALLY – I NEED A LIFE-LINE – HELP ME, PLEASE!

Papa: Ok, Liliana. What is your question?

Liliana: How do they make … buildings?

YES! CONVERSATION OVER……… FOR NOW.

Whew.

How have you handled these conversations with your kids? Please share in the comments. No really, PLEASE!

1 Comment

  1. PammyPam

    May 6, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Yeah, not sure I want to explain masturbation just yet. But on second thought, maybe if you explain it to them, they won’t believe you and will change the subject?

    Oh just tell them. Then tell them that they cannot repeat this conversation with anyone other than immediate family.

    Oy.

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