Don’t Say Masturbate, PLEASE!
The “where do babies come from” talk can be a difficult and sometimes touchy one. It is a little more complex, given the fact that we are a same-sex couple, raising our twins. So a recent conversation between our 5-year-old son and daughter went like this:
Gregory: Papa, who is your mom?
Gregory: How is she your mom?
Papa: Because she is.
Gregory:Then why isn’t Sally our mom? [Sally is our surrogate –not her real name – and the kids know about her]
Papa: Well, she isn’t.
Gregory: Why Papa?
Papa: Oh, who wants to listen to “Let it go” for the 1,425th time?
2 HOURS PASS –
Related: Raising Gaybies: And Who Is HE?
Papa: Gregory, I want to try to answer your question. You see you were in Sally’s tummy but we are your fathers. It’s not who makes you it’s who raises you.
Gregory: How did you make us?
SLOW BEADS OF SWEAT FORM ON MY FOREHEAD –
Papa: Well, you see those plants over there, they start from a seed and when you grow up you will have a seed inside you and Liliana will have eggs. So when the seeds and the egg meet – they grow and form a baby.
Gregory: Where is your seed Papa?
Papa: Well, it’s in my body
Gregory: How do you get it out?
PAUSE – LOSS OF BREATH – NEED OXYGEN – HE WANTS TO KNOW HOW I GET MY SEED OUT OF MY BODY – YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME – I AM NOT EXPLAINING TO HIM THAT I HAD TO MASTERBATE INTO A DIXIE CUP.
Papa: Well, when you are older, I will explain it to you.
Gregory: But Papa, where is the seed, how do you get it out of you?
Papa: Well… ummmm.
Liliana: Papa, I have a question!
NO WAY – REALLY – I NEED A LIFE-LINE – HELP ME, PLEASE!
Papa: Ok, Liliana. What is your question?
Liliana: How do they make … buildings?
YES! CONVERSATION OVER……… FOR NOW.
How have you handled these conversations with your kids? Please share in the comments. No really, PLEASE!