Ask Rene: Custody Concerns

Ask Rene:
Custody Concerns

(Editor’s Note: We thought that there was some great advice in this piece so we’ve re-blogged it, if you will, into our new format from it’s original air date of 7/16/2010.)

Dear Rene,

I have been a follower of yours for a long time and I think you give great advice. My dilemma is sort of a touchy subject.

I have a brother whose daughter is about to move out of state with her mother and two siblings (not my brother’s children) because she is not getting along with her current baby’s father. The problem with that is she has done this at LEAST three different times including one occasion where she actually left the children behind! To make matters worse, the mother is somewhat sickly and often is unable to care for her third child, a 10-month old baby girl. So my 9-year-old niece has a lot of responsibility.

My brother has no legal say-so in this matter. Should he? We don’t want to create a hostile or strained relationship with the mother, but we are worried about our niece who has told me she doesn’t want to go. I know her mother loves her but should my brother try to stop her from leaving the state with his child? Oh, we’ve tried talking to her and trying to convince her to stay already.

Thanks, Rene. Hope you can help with this one.

Anonymous, Any town, USA

Dear Anonymous:

Thanks for taking the time to write and I understand your wishes to remain anonymous given the touchy subject matter.

Okay I think there are two sides to this coin: The legal issues as well as the emotional ones.

1. Legal Issues

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You say your brother has no legal say in the matter. Why is that? Has he spoken to a lawyer? Does he pay support for his child? I am not an attorney but it seems that if he is paying some sort of support he would not only have visitation but also a say in how the child is raised. It sounds like there are plenty of issues here that need to be raised in family court.

- A mother who has left town three times, including once leaving her kids behind. I believe that could be considered abandonment if the mother could not be located.

-A mother who is sickly and unable to adequately care for her children.

-The unstable home environment or the children brought about by constant and sudden moving.

I’m not sure if your brother has seen a lawyer or petitioned the court but that’s where I would start.