What’s Your Mother-Daughter Relationship Like? (VIDEO)
Once you become a mother, you are a mother for the rest of your life. But the way you mother changes–or should change–over the different stages of life. It can be complicated when you are the adult still being mothered or the mother who can’t stop mothering her adult children.
75% of parents say their relationship with their adult children is better now than when they were teenagers. That makes sense because both parties are adults and on more equal footing. But even good adult parent-child relationships can have their perils. Take a look at this news segment (right after the station’s ad)
As hard as it can be, adult children and mothers have to take responsibility for their roles in their relationship and treat each other the way they would a friend. Children need to hear their mothers’ advice with love instead of as criticism. Mothers need to support their children instead of interfere or become overbearing.
I completely related to this video because while I think my mother and I would agree that our relationship is good, there are times—many times—when I want her to step back. I tend to hear her well-meaning advice as criticism. I become 15 years old all over again, complete with foot-stomping and stalking off to my room (in my head, of course).
We have clashed more since I became a mother myself. I want to do things my own way and I perceive her advice as wanting me to do things her way. I try to convince her that the things she did with me and my sisters in the 70s and 80s aren’t always applicable to my 21st century babies. She’s convinced that the tried and true is best. So we go back and forth.
While I can’t change her at all, I have a lot of power to change my own perspective. I’ve decided to remind myself that when my mother is telling me about her way of doing things, it is love. It’s not about controlling me or trying to turn me into a different person, even if it feels that way.
Still, I think it’s important to have an ongoing conversation with my mother about limits. The conversation can sometimes be difficult because we’re both bringing our history together into it. I think I’ll do okay if I start with how much I love and respect her, but that I need space to act on my own without constant input. This way, we can have a mutually respectful relationship.
What’s your relationship like with your mother? How do you parent your adult children? Share your experiences below.