Tales From A Twin Mom:
4 Things You Should Never Say To A
Couple Struggling With Infertility 


(Editor’s note: April 20-26th marks the 25th annual National Infertility Awareness Week. Infertility affects more than seven million people in the United States. That’s roughly 12% of women in their child-bearing years. One of those people was our contributor and Twin expert, Julixa Newman who has been very forthcoming in her experience).


Infertility hurts. No matter how you break it down, the fact that you can’t have children like everyone else kills you a little each day. Some of us deal with it the best we can, while others continue to hang on to the smallest bit of hope. Many of us didn’t have any warning signs and, to be quite honest, had not even thought about getting pregnant until the time came. When the problems surfaced, it was a blow to our world. Some of us even had children when we were told we couldn’t have more. Although I’m sure many of you think that having had children beforehand should make the hit less hurtful, it doesn’t.

Related: Tales From A Twin Mom: Why I’m Grateful For IVF

Life has taught me to be a little more sensitive. Not because I am any wiser than you, but because I have walked in those shoes and they are not pretty ones. They are big, clumpy orange looking shoes that everyone stares at and comments on. We know. I know, because I have. I have made many insensitive remarks without even knowing it, and I encourage all of you to keep reading this article and share it when you’re done. It’s the right thing to do.

Here are 4 things infertile couples are tired of hearing.

When are you having children?

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When you ask a couple why they haven't had children yet, don’t expect them to open up like a book! We know you've done the math because we have done it too. We are aware that months and years have passed since we got married and we have never made an announcement. Time is ticking and we aren't getting any younger. We all know that. We think about it every day. We sometimes sit back and picture what our children would have been like. If you look at some of us closely, you will see the lines that have settled on our faces. The lines of sorrow from being told over and over again that we weren’t able to conceive. Many of us have become ovulation pros, and know what it's like to go into a public bathroom to poke ourselves with a needle in the belly to stimulate those damn ovaries that are having trouble on their own. Trust us, we're not delaying on having children just to keep you wondering. We would like to stop wondering ourselves.