gay love or gay marriage

Raising Gaybies:
Cloak And Feather

Until a few years ago, being gay meant living on the periphery of society. Not just in a closet but really meandering around under cloak and feather. Traditional society was a kind of “life lane” we were not welcome to ride in. In fact, I used to think, “my gawd” all of our friends are gay. Now I say, “oh my goodness”, we have few friends, and those we have are straight with kids.

Navigating into the “straight lane”, as I call it, was easier than I thought. It was unexpectedly less intimidating and more accepting than I would have believed, especially in Texas. Penetrating the social strata from a gay one was an ethereal experience. I made friends very easy, yet few people seemed to raise their hackles. I found myself in little cliques that I relish and love.

Related: Ask Rene: Is My Son Gay?

Lately, I’ve met so many women I have grown to respect. Just listening to their triumphs and tragedies as mothers leaves me in awe of their strength and tenacity. I mean we don’t sit there comparing ourselves to which Golden Girl we would bond with; I am more Maude than Rose, or trading Betty Crocker recipes, shoot me if I ever make her recipes. But the conversations we have are open, raw, and yet substantive. It reminds me of when I was a kid, my grandmother would play the Chinese game of mahjong in the living room – listening to the tiles crack against each other and the resonance of voices chattering about life, happiness, romance and most of all living.

So there I am, 40 years later with 2 kids and a husband, finding myself not so much playing a vexing Chinese board game, but enjoying the company of just women. A gender I never really knew and still don’t quite understand. I could say I was blind and selfish – that I could have reached out and not remain hidden in my own shadow. But the wealth of knowledge, camaraderie, and support I have received from women is overwhelmingly awesome. And I love it.

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