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Ask Rene: My Sister And I Are At Odds Over Her Abuser Boyfriend!

3d Concept diagram wordcloud illustration of domestic violence

Ask Rene:
My Sister And I Are At Odds Over Her Abuser Boyfriend!

I have two daughters who are 6 and 8. They like to spend time at my sister’s house with their cousins who are around the same age. About a year ago, my sister’s boyfriend—who is also her kids’ father—beat her up pretty badly. I thought that was the end of the relationship, but they are back together. I don’t think my girls are in any sort of physical danger, but you never know. I put a stop to them going over to her house without me. Now my sister is mad at me. She says that her boyfriend would never hurt a child and that I’m overreacting. I’m not exactly confident about that and I don’t want my daughters to be a test case. Is there anything I can do to smooth things over?

Feeling confused

Dear Feeling confused:

Believe it or not this question (or at least a variation of it) has come across the desk of Good Enough Mother before. In my mind, there are not a whole lot of shades of gray here; I am firmly in your corner. So here’s what I would do if I were you.

YOUR KIDS MAY SEE THINGS

Picture 1 of 4

And they are things they shouldn’t be exposed to. Your sister is, in my humble opinion, missing a very large part of the picture. Domestic violence is not about just the actual laying on of hands; many times there is a cycle of violence that leads up to, through and after the abuse. Do you want your girls to be around any of that? No. No you do not.

2 Comments

  1. Jacki Marie

    April 16, 2014 at 8:22 am

    People stay in abusive relationships for many many reasons. I think the sister pointing out the truth by not allowing the kids to go there because this dude is ABUSIVE (not intense, not mean, not stressed, not whatever other euphemism we use to justify his behavior) will/may help the sister come to the truth as well. BUT bottom line for this mom is her children’s well being comes FIRST! Great response, Rene.

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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