I am getting married in a couple of months and I’m very excited but I’m also worried it’s going to be a disaster.
My mother and father divorced over 10 years ago and while my father has moved on and remarried, my mother remains bitter about their split.
They are both huge parts of my life and I would love for them to both be there on my big day but they can’t get along and it is mostly my mother’s fault. She promised to bury her feelings for my engagement party but she bickered with my father throughout the night, wouldn’t pose in pictures with him and refused to allow me to invite my stepmother even though they have been married for 5 years.
I talked to her about her behavior afterwards and she just became defensive. I don’t think the actual wedding will be any better and since my father insisted on inviting my stepmother, I’m afraid it will be worse.
I really want my wedding day to be stress free and I’m worried my mom will cause a scene. Should I dis-invite her from the wedding for the sake of peace?
I don’t want to but I don’t know what else to do. What would you do Rene?
I have two things to say to you. Congratulations and yes. It’s that simple. Before I give you my reason, let me ask tell you about my own wedding. My husband and I got married 17 years ago overlooking the harbor on Paradise Island in the Bahamas. It was his second marriage, my first, and we wanted it to be special. So we planned and spent a lot of money to make it that way. When we told my mother what we were doing, she said, “Oh can I come?” Insert the sound of screeching tires here. No. No, no, no! It was MY day.. just as this is yours. Of course some of this might be predicated on how much, if any, mom pitched in to the wedding budget. Never-the-less, here’s what I would do if I were in your shoes.
1. THIS IS YOUR DAY
(Editor’s note: This piece originally ran 4/15/2011)