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Live, Love, Blend: What if I Die?


Live, Love, Blend:
What if I Die?

Let me begin with a reassurance… I’m planning to live a good, long life.  I eat clean 80% of the time, take my vitamins, exercise 5 days a week, don’t smoke and always wear my seat belt.  However, longevity of life is not guaranteed even for the healthiest individuals.  Which leads me to address this nagging question.  If I die, what happens to my kids?

This is a question every custodial parent needs to address.  In most instances, the kids would be sent to live with their other natural parent.  That is the possibility that keeps me up at night.  For one thing, I don’t know what has become of my boys’ father.  We haven’t heard from him in nearly a year.  Last I knew he was dealing with some legal issues stemming from the addiction that destroyed our marriage.  Let’s suffice it to say I do not think it would be in the best interest of our children that they live with him.

Related: 10 From GEM: 10 “Notes To Self” To Remember Every Day

My husband tells me not to worry, that he would fight for them, protect them and raise them.  I know he would.  And I know he would do his best.  But I have to admit that I’m still uneasy.  The question is, would he be able to raise them as his own?  I don’t think so.  I’m afraid they would always be his step-sons.  He would always feel guilty that these 2 boys get to be with him every day, while his biological children only get to see him every other weekend.  Would he begin to resent them?  Would he wish he hadn’t fought to keep them?  Would anyone be able to give them the unconditional love of their mother?


I hope I don’t sound too negative or morbid.  These are real questions that divorced or remarried moms need to ask themselves.  And based on the answers, real steps need to be taken to ensure our wishes will be carried out in case the need arises.  Do you have a will?  Have you spoken with your loved ones to determine who could/would raise your children?

I’ll make you deal.  I’ll start taking the necessary steps to ensure the safety of my children’s future if you will do the same.  And while we’re at it, let’s also be reminded to treasure every moment, to make sure we don’t waste a single opportunity to build a mighty foundation in our children.  Give them roots and wings based on a strong spiritual connection, a healthy self-image, and hope for the future.

andi parker


  1. Britney

    March 27, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    I have thought about this too. My oldest child, my only daughter I had when I was 20 with my “high school sweetheart”. I live in Missouri, he lives in Texas. He’s a good dad overall, helps financially, comes here to visit a few times a year. My daughter just recently spent her spring break in Texas with him and she liked it. Thing is, she’s so close to my family here, my parents and siblings. They would be heart broken if she had to move away and I’m sure she would be too. My husband says he would fight for my daughter as well. In our family, he doesn’t say she’s his “step” daughter, he tells everyone she’s his daughter and she has called him “daddy” since we’ve been married. We also have two boys together. He has no other children. I kind of rest with the fact that I know she’ll be in good hands in either place and I know my family would more than likely have her during the summer and whenever they can should anything ever happen to me. In your situation, with your ex having an addiction problem, he would not get custody of your children. He would have to be clean for a certain amount of time, but at a certain age your children would be able to decide who they want to stay with.

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