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10 From GEM: 10 Surefire Ways To FAIL At Parenting

Creative Commons/amboo who?

Creative Commons/amboo who?

10 From GEM:
10 Surefire Ways To FAIL At Parenting

Maybe you’ve resolved to get this whole parenting thing right, but on second thought, you’ve decided that it’s too much work. Which it is. It’s so much easier to revel in failures. It’s easier to do things the wrong way instead of taking the time to get them right and learn. You’re determined to make mistake after mistake, never recognizing that you’re the one who controls what kind of parent you are. Never fear, we have a list of 10 surefire things you can do to fail at parenting.

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1. COMPARE YOUR FAMILY
TO OTHER FAMILIES

Creative Commons/susan402

Creative Commons/susan402

Take a look at the Joneses next door. Those Jones kids are perfect, aren’t they? They’re always polite and well-behaved—nothing like your hellions. Mr. and Mrs. Jones must be doing everything right while you’re doing everything wrong. So, here’s what you do: obsess about the Joneses and try to make your family live up to theirs. Ignore the fact that your family is beautiful and unique and wonderful. The Joneses are better. Learn from them.

Read more: Perfect Parenting? Perfect Nonsense!!!

2. LET A BAD MOMENT RUIN
YOUR WHOLE DAY

Creative Commons/sbengineer

Creative Commons/sbengineer

The kids had a fight at breakfast. Food was thrown and feelings were hurt. They’re going to be late for school and you’re going to be late for work. There’s nothing else to do now but let it mess up the whole day. There will be no joy for you in parenting (or anything else) because you’ve decided that a few minutes should dictate the rest of the day. Relive the morning and get mad all over again that evening as you cook dinner and help with homework. Before you go to bed, talk about your terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day on Facebook and get sympathy from your friends.

Read more: Better Not Bitter: Can We Talk About Family Court? (VIDEO)

3. LET THE “EXPERTS” TELL
YOU WHAT’S RIGHT

Creative Commons

Creative Commons

You thought because your children were yours that you have any idea what’s right for them? LOL! No, my friend. You have no idea what’s right for them and your intuition about them is probably wrong, too. Read parenting books and try to apply everything you learn to your children, whether it fits their unique personalities or not. Listen to the experts like the stranger at the grocery store who kindly gives you unwanted advice about how to calm that temper tantrum. Take the advice of your childless friends raising theoretical children. All of these people are doing a great job in their heads and their theories trump your reality.

Read more: 10 From GEM: Get Closer! 10 Ways To Build Relationships With Your Kids

4. WORRY ABOUT THE
OPINIONS OF OTHERS

Creative Commons/symphony of love

Creative Commons/symphony of love

Of course you should worry about what other people think of your parenting decisions. I mean, we all do our best parenting when we’re laser-focused on what other people think instead of really thinking about what’s best for our children. The truly successful parents don’t ever worry about what their kids think, how they’re doing, or what they’re feeling. What the world needs are more parents who feel this way so that the parents will have more stress and less confidence. It’s a win for everybody.

Read more: The GEM Debate: Are You Crippling Your Kids? (POLL)

5. BE STRICT AND UNYIELDING

Creative Commons/mmmarzio

Creative Commons/mmmarzio

Your teenager is getting a little mouthy with you and those grades aren’t so hot, either. Time to show him who’s the boss. Take away everything that matters to him—video games, cell phone, time with friends—for a crazy long period of time. Ground him until further notice. Make him do hard labor like he’s in a work-release program. He could become angry, rebellious, depressed, or start lying to work around your strict punishment, but that doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you do not, under any circumstances, forgive him or allow him a chance to correct his behavior.

Read more: Top Talker: What Do You Think Of “Rules For Dating My Son/Daughter”?

6. RELIVE YOUR CHILDHOOD
THROUGH YOUR CHILDREN

Creative Commons/john_blaze_601

Creative Commons/john_blaze_601

You were a great pianist in your day. You received accolades and admiration for your skill. But your dad lost his job and the piano lessons went away. You didn’t make it to Carnegie Hall, and you could have. Everybody said so. But wait, all is not lost. Now you have an 8-year-old who banged out a few notes on the piano and you think, “She’s the new me!” You make her take lessons, totally ignoring the fact that she would rather play soccer. You force her to practice for a few hours every day. Pay no attention to those tears. She’s going to  Carnegie Hall!

Read more: Our Story Begins: Kids And Sports… Whose Dream Is It, Really? (Video)

7. BE SMUG ABOUT THE THINGS THAT WOULD
“NEVER” AND “ALWAYS” HAPPEN WITH YOUR KIDS

Creative Commons/bour3

Creative Commons/bour3

There are few things better for your parenting than to look at other kids and think how yours will “never” do this or they’ll “always” do that. Because once you set it up in your head, that’s the way it has to be. You said your children will eat their vegetables, and gosh darn it, they will—unlike your friend’s kids who eat nothing but chicken nuggets. Your kids will always eat kale and love every bite. You will not be humbled, either. If your kids rebel against kale, you will force them to eat it. After all, you said they’ll always eat vegetables.

Read more: Raising Gaybies: Shut Up And Wear Beige

8. TAKE YOUR PROBLEMS OUT
ON YOUR CHILDREN

Creative Commons/Vesa Reijonen

Creative Commons/Vesa Reijonen

Got a horrible boss? You can’t control him, so yell at your daughter for daring to talk to you. Husband getting on your nerves? You show him by smacking your son. Money problems? You’re completely justified in screaming at your kids because they do what kids do and ask for things at the store. You might be alienating your children with things they don’t understand, but they’ll forgive you. They always do. Suckers.

Read more: Monday Morning Motivation: Sometimes You Have To Look Back To Go Forward

9. PUNISH YOURSELF FOR YOUR MISTAKES

Creative Commons/robleto

Creative Commons/robleto

You’ve made a few mistakes with your kids; maybe even some that you needed to apologize for. Your kids have forgiven you and moved on, but you can’t. You mentally flog yourself for your shortcomings. Instead of learning how you can do better the next time, you replay the event in your head as punishment. Do this with every mistake. Your kids need you to be stuck on your errors.

Read more: Ask Rene: I’m At My Wits’ End With Our Daughter’s Acting Out!

10. DECIDE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LEARN

Creative Commons/hypatia atoz

Creative Commons/hypatia atoz

You’re probably strict and unyielding (see number 5) and stuck in your way of thinking. Your kids are growing and changing every day, meanwhile, you don’t need to change anything about your parenting style. Everything you think you know about parenting is right. Congratulations! You know everything.

Read more: Bringing Up Baby: A Moment In Time.. They Won’t Be Tiny Forever

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This is obviously a tongue-in-cheek post about parenting. We all make some mistakes as parents. What are some parenting fails you’ve committed or that you know of?

More From GEM:

Good Enough Mother Parenting Fail #3245… The Learner’s Permit Debacle

Our Story Begins: Who is YOUR Parenting Icon?

10 From GEM: 10 Best Parenting Websites

 

picmonkey alexis

Alexis Trass Walker lives in Gary, Indiana, with her husband and four children. She is managing editor of Good Enough Mother. Read more about Alexis on her blog www.lilliebelle.org or follow her on Twitter @LillieBelle5. You can email her at alexisnw16 [at] gmail [dot] com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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