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Tales From A Twin Mom: Make a Twin Parent Smile Today

SMILEY

Tales From A Twin Mom:
Make a Twin Parent Smile Today

I was recently alone at the mall when I came across a young mother with her twins. Of course, having twins myself and time to kill that afternoon, I decided to walk over to her to start a little chat. Unfortunately, 2.5 seconds into the conversation I noticed one thing that made me feel a little sad. Parents of multiples (twins or higher order) are approached so many times by strangers that we have come to consider it a nuisance to have someone ask us about our children. It’s not that we are intentionally mean, but having people ask you the same questions over and over again can get a little tiresome.

Do I blame her? Not really. I remember discovering I was asked fewer questions if I walked around without making eye contact. Sad? Yes, very. When I had singletons (that’s what we parents of multiples call those born without a partner in crime), I loved it when people stopped to ask me about them. It was so refreshing! Maybe it was because not every conversation started with “Are they twins?” Or, maybe it was the fact that no one would approach me as I was holding my child to say “Better you than me!” Yes, stranger. Better me than you. I agree.

I believe that maybe if the outside world changed their views or comments, we would be more inclined to stop and chat. How many times have you stared at a woman with a double stroller and just admired how she could open the door and get through it all by herself? News flash… we don’t enjoy doing it-and could really use a hand.

In an effort to promote world peace, I have come up with alternatives for the most common questions:

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 ARE THEY TWINS?

TWINS

Let’s think about this one a little more before asking. Do they look at least 9 months apart? If not, then the probabilities are pretty high that they are. If you see that the parent is rushing, frustrated, or just trying to juggle them both, may I suggest you ask “May I help” or just a quick “ Twins- how cool!” Even better, how about what you might say to a parent holding a single baby? YES! “How adorable”…we could definitely use more of those.

Trust me when I say that you will get more smiles.

Read more: What Is Your Default Position?

 ARE THEY NATURAL?

robot

HALT! This question should not be asked in any way, shape or form unless you suspect that one of these babies is a robot or you see a cord and plug hanging from their behinds.

We know what you’re really asking; and a question like this is pretty crazy if you consider the fact that you would never approach a new parent and ask them “So, how did you conceive? Any cool positions?” It’s a bitter pill to swallow if you went through reproductive assistance; even more so if people expect you to not consider your own children natural.

Read more: Tales From A Twin Mom: Why I’m Grateful For IVF

ARE THEY IDENTICAL?
PATERNAL?

BOYGIRLTWINS

 

This is a two part question. If one is dressed in pink and one in blue then they’re fraternal. Yes, fraternal; not paternal. I do understand that identical twins can be of opposite gender, in which case the female has Turner Syndrome (which is a chromosomal condition that alters the development of females). I highly doubt that any parent will open up to a stranger about this, so just try to remember this when you see a blue and pink duo. Having read this, I assure you that you will think of me at least 50% of the time.

Read more: Tales From A Twin Mom: 4 Things Every Twin Should Know

WOW, YOU HAVE YOUR
HANDS FULL! 

handsfull-me

We are very aware that our hands are full. Some of us even have triplets-and while the baby-to-hand ratio is really unfair, we can’t grow another arm or make our laps wider. We can only do our best. May I suggest you say something like “What a great looking family” or “You’re amazing.” I pause and smile as I write this because I love saying that to parents. Truth be told-we are amazing. Twins or not, it is always a good idea to tell a parent that they’re doing a great job. We all need to hear it-even if it comes from a stranger that has been looking at us for only 3 minutes.

Read more: 10 From GEM: 10 “Notes To Self” To Remember Every Day

TWO GIRLS? YIKES!
TWO WEDDINGS TO PAY FOR!

wedding-cake-girls

I am lucky enough to say that I have a son and three daughters. I can not count how many times complete strangers have said this to me. It’s not amusing. We know that we will have to pay for three weddings, but we also hope that we have to pay for three college tuitions first. Even better, perhaps we’ll have to fill out the paperwork for three scholarships first because they are all so bright. If you say this to a struggling family that is having a hard time making ends meet, please don’t expect a smile.

Even though we make the day to day tasks seem like a hassle, we all consider having multiples the ultimate blessing. It is one that we cherish because we are lucky enough to say that we have been given the opportunity to raise and care for these little beings. Whether they come in single, double or triplet packages, we welcome them and we do our very best to smile through the struggles. Please be kind; and we will show you our smile.

Read more:  Ask Rene: The Wedding Never Happened.. What About My Gift?

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julixa-newman

Julixa Newman, is a published writer/author, and the president of Stuff4Multiples.com. Born in Puerto Rico and raised in New York City, Julixa founded Stuff 4 Multiples in 2009, shortly after giving birth to twin girls. Her articles about parenting multiples are featured on several parenting websites, as well as in such magazines as Twins and Sixty Second Parent. She is also an entrepreneur who has designed several products geared at making parenting twins easier, including the TwinTrexx twin baby carrier. Her most recent endeavor is Forest Friends: Book About Me, which is the first baby book for LGBT families.

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