Ask Rene :
We’re Adopting A Child Of Color
And My In-Laws Are FREAKED!
I’ve been married for seven years. We are looking forward to starting a family, but I struggle with infertility. We’ve decided that we just want to be parents no matter what, so we are planning to adopt a baby of another race. When we shared this information with my in-laws, they flipped out, especially my mother-in-law. They both questioned whether this is the best thing for us. They said they weren’t sure if they could love an adopted child, much less one of another race. Rene, I’m completely devastated by this. I had no idea that my in-laws held these kinds of feelings. We are going forward with the adoption, but how should we handle things with them?
Upset in Utah
Before I answer this I have to disclose that my own husband is adopted. I have several friends who have adopted children as well so there’s a special place in my heart for parents who expand their families in this way. I can only imagine how you must be feeling; first the heartbreak of the infertility treatments, then hitting on a plan that you think will make everyone happy, only to be met with not just resistance but racism too.
I don’t have all the answers, but here’s what I would do if I were in your shoes.