photodune-2664474-pregnant-woman-xsAsk Rene:
Delivery Room Drama!
How Can I Tell Them What I Want?

 

Hi Rene:

I’m having my first baby soon, and I plan to have my husband and mother in the delivery room. Last week, my mother- and father-in-law sat me down for a talk. They feel that they’re left out of everything and they want to be in the delivery room, too. They think my decision to have bonding time with the baby before visitors come in is selfish. I talked to my husband about how uncomfortable I would be, especially with my father-in-law in the room. My own dad won’t be there! My husband understands about not having his father there, but he thinks I should allow his mother because it’s only fair. Is it just me or should the woman whose private parts will be on display get to decide who’s in the room? I don’t want to fight with my husband or my in-laws.

Sign me:
Nervous Nellie

Hi NN:

Holy cow are you kidding me? They’ve  never heard of this thing called boundaries,  have they? I’m telling you right now, you’re going to have to put your (possibly swollen) foot down right now or prepare for a lifetime of meddling. So here’s what I would do if I were you.

DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT,
THEN STAND FIRM!

time to decide illustration design over white

When I was giving birth to my daughter, my husband and mother were in the room. Truth be told, each time a contraction hit and they were talking, it was like nails on a chalkboard; I needed silence to concentrate on what I was doing. I say that to underscore that this is not a dang party, contrary to what your in-laws think!  It’s called “labor” for a reason. You are going to be singularly focused on pushing out an 8-pound baby. This is not the time for idle chatter about the neighbor’s new fence or whatever else.

Read more: Ask Rene: My Mother-In-Law Plays Favorites 

THIS IS NOT ABOUT BEING FAIR,
THIS IS ABOUT YOU!

A grandmother looks lovingly at her grand-daughter

UGH! I don’t know your in-laws but if you ask me, playing on the emotions of a pregnant woman is a pretty low-blow. This is not about being fair (where IS the memo that says anything in life is?!); this is about you! The fact that, through their own selfishness, they can’t see that gives more more than a little cause for concern. And I am absolutely with you. No father-in-law in the birthing room.

Read more: Ask Rene: How Can I Make My Sister-In-Law Like Me? 

NOW, ABOUT
YOUR HUSBAND...

photodune-3895230-mother-in-law-xs

Ooookay. I’m not a marriage counselor but I see a red flag. Your husband needs to be more worried about your health and well-being, instead of siding with his mother. This could be just the beginning, or it could be a well-established pattern between them. But there are going to be a lot of decisions surrounding the birth and upbringing of this child; you and he have to be on the same page regardless of what she thinks.

Read more: Ask Rene: My Boyfriend Always Sides With His Mother Over Me!

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I understand the emotion surrounding the new baby’s birth; everyone’s excited and wants to have a chance to get to know him or her. But trust me, there will be PLENTY of time for that. Why not offer something to the in-laws, like the first chance to keep the baby overnight? Something like that might keep the dust down and if they’re reasonable people, they will understand and want what’s best for the mother of their grandchild.

HOWEVER.. if they don’t understand, then so be it. You need to concentrate on the task at hand, which is delivering a health baby and caring for yourself too.

Good luck Mom-to-be!

What advice would you give her? Were you faced with a situation like this when you were giving birth? What did you do?

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