Polite senior man helps his wife down the stairs of their motor home.

Ask Rene:
Is Chivalry Alive And If So, WHERE? 

I’m a 44-year-old man who was divorced earlier this year. I was married for 12 years, so it’s been a while since I was on the dating scene. I’m a little disturbed by a trend I’m experiencing. Nobody likes chivalry! I open doors, I pull out chairs, I pick up the check and I don’t expect sex on the first date (not that I would turn it down, mind you). This is just who I am. I did those things when I was dating my ex and after we were married. But some women don’t say thank you or acknowledge these courtesies at all. And since when is it cool to answer your phone on a date? Is it me or the women I pick? 


Chivalry Lover

Dear Chivalry Lover:

I don’t think chivalry is dead but perhaps dormant. It’s a pretty easy fix and like so many of them, communication is key. So here’s what I would do if I were you:


Plastic game letters forming the word "dating"

Don’t take this the wrong way but if you’re chasing after some 20-somethings, they may  view chivalry as something their parents believed in and, well you’re probably not going to have much luck finding what you want. So my first bit of advice would be to take a good hard look at who you’re asking out and adjust accordingly. There are plenty of women (yes, even 20-somethings) that appreciate all the things you described above.

Read more: Our Story Begins: Expecting Respect.. Mad Men, Marilyn And Making Chivalry Matter


Woman on the telephone

So many issues begin and end with proper communication. I don’t see a thing wrong with asking a date if they mind if you open the door, pull out the chair or any other chivalrous act. If they say no, you know where the boundaries are. Have that conversation early and put it on your online dating profile, if you’re going that route.

Read more: Single Mom Slice Of Life: My Dating Dilemmas 


African American couple sitting on couch in dispute.

Here’s the deal: you’re divorced and sounds like you’re ready for female companionship. But the thing you need to guard against is settling for something , or someone, who is less than you want. If you want someone who will appreciate the little things you do, then hold out for that person. It’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Or worse.

Read more: Ask Rene: Living Together Versus Love Everlasting…. What Should I Do?


One more thing: I hate to say it but you’re on  your own regarding the answering-the-phone-at-dinner thing. I have no idea what someone on a first date or otherwise would think so little of the company they’re in as to answer a phone in the middle of a meal. Time for you to be more selective. STAT!

Good luck!

Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away.

And remember to follow the conversation on Facebook and Rene on Twitter.

More from GEM:

Our Story Begins: Bouncin’ Back