Happy couple holding the keys of their new houseAsk Rene:
My Mom Likes Her New Boyfriend More Than Me! 

Dear Rene, I am 14-years-old and my mom has a boyfriend; I don’t really know him well enough to say I do or don’t like him. During the first month of their relationship I was really eager to meet him, however now I am not so sure. With my mom, every time I try to have an actual conversation about him she always blocks me out. Recently I’ve tried telling her things and asking how her day was but all she seems to do is text Rob, her boyfriend. One night I texted her asking how she was and he responded to my text from her phone which really upset me. What should I do?


Bummed in Bethpage


Dear BB:

I so wish I could give you a hug right now; I’m so sorry this is happening. I hope I can help by lending a little bit of insight and maybe suggest some ways you can reconnect with your mom. So here’s what I think is going on and a couple of suggestions that I hope might help.

ROB IS “NEW”photodune-4478095-a-nice-africanamerican-couple-xs

Think about how you feel when you make a new friend. It’s fun, exciting, exhilarating and you want to spend all your time with that person. You want to get to know them, their likes, dislikes, what makes them tick and so forth. Well, that doesn’t change with people just because they get older, married or become parents. The trick is making sure we don’t ignore the ones already in our lives, which we sometimes do. So maybe it’s time for a gentle reminder……

Read more: 6 Things That Are “Good Enough” For Your Baby

ALONEA portrait of a happy mother and daughter drinking coffee outdoor

I know you’ve spoken to your mother but don’t give up yet. Sometimes it takes us moms a minute for things to really sink in. We have a lot going on; that’s not an excuse, that’s just the truth. Sometimes (and I’ve been guilty of it myself) we don’t put the proper amount of emphasis on things we should. Maybe your mom thinks you’re being unrealistic; maybe she thinks you’re whining. Whatever the case, talk to her again (and again and again) until you feel like you’ve been heard. Important note: be mature in the conversation. No screaming, yelling and try not to cry.

Read more: Ask Rene: How Can I Get My Relatives To Understand?

OUTING WITH YOUR MOMphotodune-3770257-no-cell-phone-sign-illustration-design-isolated-over-a-white-background--xs

I know you’re not wild about your mom answering texts from Rob when she’s with you (honestly, my husband doesn’t like me to do it when we’re together either; it’s sort of bad manners) so how about this? Try suggesting you two take a “technology free” afternoon? No cell phones, laptops, e-readers or other electronic device. You can go to the movies or, if you don’t want to spend money, you can walk to a park, check out a museum or something like that. With no electronic devices around, you and your mom can talk and she won’t be able to answer texts from Rob. During this outing, you can also let her know that it’s important to you that she answer messages from you, not Rob.

Read more: Raisin’ In Minnesota: The Color Of Discipline

*********************************************************************************************************************************There’s One more thing I would suggest and that is to get to know Rob a little more. You don’t have to be his best friend or anything like that but maybe just take a minute to talk to him. What TV show’s does he like? What sports? Bands? Type of music? I’m going to let you in on a little secret: everyone likes to talk about themselves so one surefire way to get to know Rob is to ask questions. If he’s smart, he’ll ask questions about you too.

More than anything I want you to know that, I don’t think this is a case of your mom loving you any less but rather needing a little reminder about the important people in her life.

Good luck!

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