Blended Bliss: 3 Ways To Get Started With A “New” Family
I have a blended family. Wow, never thought I’d say those words. But life happens. My fairytale marriage became a nightmare. The divorce became final and I prepared myself for life as a single mom of two boys. I embraced it. I actually looked forward to it. Imagine, I could do whatever I wanted with no man to impede the pursuit of my desires. All the single moms are already laughing or shaking their heads.
Well imagine my surprise when a month into singledom I met the man of my dreams! I was actually rather annoyed with him for coming along so soon, but what’s a girl to do?! That brings me to the topic of today’s tale… his kids. My man has three kids. When we met they were ages 15, 11 and 4. This was a concern. Was there room in my life and in my heart for three more children? What if they didn’t like me? What if I didn’t like them? Everything suddenly got complicated.
Of course I voiced my concerns to my girlfriends. They replied with the phrase heard by many in this situation. “It’s okay, they don’t live with him.” And somehow I bought into that, as if those kids would therefore not play a substantial role in his life, or mine.
First of all, let me make this clear. Don’t ever say “It’s okay, they don’t live with him/her” to anyone considering marrying a person with children. What on earth makes you think that matters in the least?! Would you want to marry someone who walked away from his children just because they didn’t live with them? Besides, that can change. One of my husband’s kids has lived with us since we got married, and another one is considering making the jump as well.
Plus, for the kids that don’t end up living in your household full time, they still have a huge impact on your heart, your time, your finances, even your arguments. If their mom signs them up for soccer, guess what? You’ll be rushing to the store on snack day & searching the house for missing shin guards. And get ready to go toe to toe with their mother as well. The ex’s also figure in to the big smoothie you’re blending up.
Basically, to anyone considering blending a family, here are my suggestions to get you started on the right track…