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Ask Rene:
Puberty And The Pill.. How Do I Talk To My Mom?


Hi Rene: 

HELP! I am 13.  I have had my period for a year and they are very irregular.. and I am a virgin! I don’t plan on having sex until I am married but I want to go on the pill because I have heard that they regulate your period. I am a bit worried that there might be something wrong for them to be so irregular! Will it affect my life later on? How can I tell my mum I want to go on the pill? And is it okay to use tampons without my mum knowing? I think it is not necessesary for her to know what I use during my period! I always get blood on my underwear and I can’t stop it I use maxi pads sometimes and it still happens! What’s wrong?


Terrified Teen!


Hi TT:


Okay, S-L-O-W down and take a big, deep breath. First, thanks for writing in; I’m honored that you trust me to give you answers on such an important question. As the mother of a teenage daughter (and as someone who was a teen many years ago), I know this issue and your questions and angst are very real. So here’s my advice for you.


Creative Commons/☺ Lee J Haywood

Creative Commons/☺ Lee J Haywood

One of the things my mother told me long ago, and it’s something I think about even to this day, is that no matter what situation you are in, you can best believe someone’s been there before. Someone’s asked the same questions and had the same fears you have. When I started having my periods, my experience was similar to yours and it did take a little time for them to regulate and become normal. But I do understand the fear and worry you are feeling. I’m willing to bet your story (and mine) is less the exception and more the rule.. so that’s the first thing. Knowing you’re not the first person to face a situation somehow makes it more tolerable.

Read more:  To My Daughter: See, Hair’s The Thing..


Ask Rene: Puberty And The Pill.. How Do I Talk To My Mom?

Creative Commons/hellojenuine

I checked in with a good friend of mine about your question. Dr. Sue Hubbard of The Kid’s Doctor  had some very good advise for you:

“It is quite normal to have irregular periods for the first two years after starting your period.  Irregular menstrual cycles have nothing to do with being a virgin (very good choice on your part ), but have to do with your hormones still being “immature”.  Most girls do not ovulate every month right after starting menstruation and it takes awhile, any where from  2-24 months, before you have the normal hormonal feedback to have this occur.  

So, you may have a period every 2 or 3 or 4 months for awhile and then you may have 2 in one month, really no regularity for 1-2 years.  If you have NEVER had sex, don’t worry about missing a period (or 2 or 3) and just keep track of them.  After you have been menstruating for awhile you will begin to have regular cycles.  I do not think a young girl of your age, who does not need birth control, needs to go on the pill.  You are entirely normal for your age. If you continue to have irregular cycles when you are older, the pill can help regulate cycles, but your cycles may straighten out just fine on their own, give it time.

Tampons are fine to use if you change them throughout the day. I think it would be nice if you would discuss this with your mother as she may be able to give you some tips on how to use them.  She will probably figure it out rather quickly as well,  as she probably shops for you.  It is really easier to use a tampon, especially if you bleed a little heavier for the first several days (which is also normal). You may need to use a tampon and a mini pad together to “save those undies”, one of the things that comes with being a young woman, often getting favorite undies messed up!   

I think you sound just fine and asked a lot of good questions!”

Read more:  Ask Rene: My Breasts Look Weird… Should I Worry?



Creative Commons/cheerfulmonk 

I appreciate that you came to me with this issue but the person you really need to speak with is your mother. I don’t know her, but I am a mother and I can tell you that we want the best for our kids, their heads, their hearts and their health. She’s there to help guide you through the tough times of adolescence and beyond! So I have to echo what Dr. Sue said; if you want to use tampons, it will only help you to talk to someone who knows how to use them correctly. You could go to your girlfriends, but honestly I wouldn’t as you don’t know where they got their information. Just take a deep breath and ask your mom, at least for the first time. Going forward, you don’t need to tell her but for the first time, I would recommend doing so.

Read more:  Our Story Begins: Of Bodysuits, Boobs And Boys


So Terrified Teen I hope that helps. You’re on the right track and I applaud your maturity about making some big decisions about your future and your health. I know it may be a bit uncomfortable talking to your mom, at least initially but it might help you to know that she probably felt the same way talking to her mother, too.

Good luck, hon!

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