Ask Rene:
My Nose, My Nightmare!
Hi Rene!:)
I have always had a issue with my big fat nose. It makes me almost crazy 🙁 Every time I look in the mirror it is the first thing I notice, so I stopped. But the problem is not solved! I always remember the people who made fun of my nose. My parents (but it was a long time ago), my two cousins, my grandfather and my siblings and I cant stand this anymore. I have even tried to commit suicide but I failed and my life is literally ruined :(:(
I neither show up at parties and important appointments for instance school graduations. Please help me I really need you. I trust you very much:))))
Thank you:)))))
Distressed in Dallas
Hi DiD:
First of all I’m honored you would write to me with this problem and, side note, I am totally diggin’ the smiley faces 🙂 I hope what I say to you is able to restore those smiles, or at least alleviate some of the pain you’re feeling now. Your letter took me back to my middle school days when I hated my (fill in the blanks) knobby knees, wide-set eyes, snaggle-tooth grin, flat chest and so on. I was tall, skinny and unpopular to boot. But can I tell you something? Having all those things, being less than perfect, made me have to hone certain skills since I wasn’t going to be writing a successful life ticket with my looks. Funny but so very true!
Having said that, here’s what I’m thinking with regard to your situation and what I would do if I were you.
AGE
Me in my formative years.
When I read your letter, the first question I had is, how old are you? I get the impression you might be in middle or high school. If that is the case, I think you have to remember that your face is kind of a work in progress; your nose won’t look the same now (if you are young) as it will be when you are a young or middle-aged adult. So stick it out and be patient. Also worth noting, you may not like this but the simple fact is you are a product of your family. If your folks had prominent noses, well there’s a good chance you will too.
Read more: To My Daughter: See, Hair’s The Thing..
PLASTIC SURGERY
I would advise this only as a last resort and only after you’ve had a chance to try to work through this using other methods. It seems like we’re living in an age where poeple are looking to surgery instead of self as a solution. That’s not to say that all plastic surgery is bad; it’s just that personally I would love to see people work on being more accepting of themselves and changing from within.
That said, if, in adulthood, you still absolutely hate your nose, then by all means, check out getting it fixed. But remember, a new nose does not make problems magically disappear.
Read more: Plastic Surgery? Yes, Please
SUICIDE
This part of your note rattled me a bit so I asked my friend and psychologist Dr. Marcy Rosenzweig Leavitt for advice; here’s what she said:
“Suicide is not the answer! I know it hurts, but your life is precious. There are so many successful women who have talked about the very same thing. Barbara Streisand, Lea Michelle, Sarah Jessica Parker, Miam Bialik…just to name a few… all have unique noses. It is what makes them special. YOU ARE SPECIAL AND UNIQUE! Your life is worth so much more then the bullies have made you feel. Remember, “It gets better!” If you are in pain there is hope and there are people who are happy to listen. I am! Noses can be changed but a bright and sensitive soul, such as yours, is one in a million.”
I know you’re in pain now and in no way do I mean to diminish that but I want you to remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and that ALL problems (every, single one of them) are temporary!
Read more: It Gets Better! And 4 Other Lessons I Learned In 2012
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I hope this helps. I would just piggy-back on what Dr. Marcy Rosenzweig Leavitt said; you are special and unique. To that I would add strong, smart and beautiful (did I mention I adore the smiley faces?). Do not curtail your activities because of your nose or any other feature. Those who make fun of you for it, are not worth having in your circle. Be proud of who you are and how you look 🙂
And that’s the truth.
Good luck!
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