Ask Rene: How Do I Tell My Friend To Go Home?

Ask Rene:
How Do I Tell My Friend To Go Home?

Rene, I found your site as I was planning a trip to Sedona. I love the idea of your show and will be watching you and reading your site more, too. Here’s my problem.

I have an annoying friend, but she is a friend and we hang out from time to time. I wouldn’t say we are close, but when she comes to town she stays with me (it’s a short drive so she comes and stays for a few days when we were supposed to be having lunch…get the picture?). Well, I just had a baby and “girlfriend” is here again!

How do I tell her to go home? I just had the baby three months ago and need any sleep time to work around the house or sleep or think maybe?! This behavior was acceptable when I was childless but she isn’t picking up broom the first and she expects me to entertain and FEED her!

I don’t want to cut her off as a friend over this, but I want her to understand. Should I belabor the point or should I just see how it goes?

Thanks.

Stuck in San Francisco…

Dear Stuck:

This one has a relatively easy solution, unlike some of the other questions I get. Well, easy for me anyway. It can also be fairly simple for you, too, but it’s going to require you to be firm. If you can do that, this is not going to be a problem; if you can’t, you might as well let girlfriend move into the extra room down the hall. Now here’s what I would do if I were you.

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

Creative Commons/Barry Zee

You don’t have to BE mean, but you need to be explicit. Years ago, when I worked that big TV gig, I had a discussion with one of my co-workers. He told me something I already knew, which was that some people don’t understand anything but the “bit being pulled back in their mouths.” (Horse reference; look it up). I’ve always remembered that and it serves to remind me that for some people, their world ends at the tip of their nose.

MEAN WHAT YOU SAY

Creative Commons/yourbesttfriendd

Now, put it in action. What that looks like from a practical standpoint is that you are harder to find. You can screen your calls, not answer the door or if she does happen to catch you, explain that you are busy and have just a limited amount of time for catch up. I think if you lay out the parameters for the meeting ahead of time, there will be little room for question when time is up.

YOU TEACH PEOPLE
HOW TO TREAT YOU

Creative Commons/gioperation

I heard this years ago from Dr. Phil and I swear it’s true. If you allow your “friend” to suck up all your precious time, she will keep doing it. It’s just that simple. You’re either going to put a stop to that by guarding your time or you’re going to quit your bitching and learn to live with it. Now, ask yourself this: can you continue on with the situation the way it’s been going? No? Then put your foot down.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************

Now your friend may have hurt feelings about this and she may not ever really understand but that’s not your concern. Be a big girl, tell her how you feel, that you need space and if she is a true friend, she’ll get that; if not, that’s her issue to deal with, not yours.

Good luck, (new) Mommy!

Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away. And don’t forget to follow the conversation on Facebook and Twitter.