Teenage girl rolling her eyes in front of angry parents

Ask Rene:
How Can We Get Our Daughter Back?



Hi Rene,

Wow, I remember when you were local here in Dallas! Good to know you’ve done so well. I’m sure you must tire of these mother/daughter/boyfriend questions but I have one. My daughter, who was actually a very well behaved, responsible, senior in high school, of course, has a boyfriend, who is 20; no ambition, lives with parents, works part time, loser guy. She turned 18 one month ago and the next day WITH NO WARNING of this coming, moved out of our home. She has been accepted to three different universities, is still working and has been keeping her grades up… but I am so worried and concerned for her future. Even more confusing is this; do we help her with college if she actually goes? We did not let her take her car and hardly any clothes. We turned off her phone. Do we sell her car? Do we help her at all? She clearly believes she can handle all this alone, she says her plans are still in place. I’m so confused about what my new role should consist of? Please HELP.

 Desperate in Dallas


Hi Desperate:

Hey thanks for the nice words; it’s always great to hear from folks back home and yeah, I consider Dallas to be that. And I see home is the theme here in your letter. You’re right about this much, I do get a lot of these letters, more than I ever thought I would. Having said this, please understand they never get old nor do I get tired of answering them because I know there are real people with real problems on the other end. So, let’s dive right into this one shall we? Here are the things I’m thinking and what I would do if I were you.

1. Talk To Your Daughter

Image 1 of 4

I know, I know.. I always start with this but it’s because it’s the most crucial step. A lot of times there are misunderstandings or miscommunications that can be cleared up simply by asking questions. The problem is that you have to be prepared to hear answers you might not like. Are you ready to hear your daughter say she’s moving out because she’s tired of how controlling you’ve been (which may or may not be the truth)? Or worse yet, that she just doesn’t like you? Get ready.