Ask Rene: Why Didn't Anyone Warn Me?

Ask Rene:
Why Didn’t Anyone Warn Me?!

Hello, Rene! I follow you on Twitter and Facebook and saw your post about a man with a few baby mamas and thought I’d ask you a question I’ve always had. Several of my boyfriends have cheated on me and I usually end up hurt, not so much by the cheating, but because I am usually close to his sisters and other family members. In both instances, my man at the time, would bring his other women around his family and I didn’t understand why no one would at least warn me. The problem now is that my brother, Mark, may be cheating on his wife and I’ve brought it up to him and he told me to mind my own business. She and I are friends. Do I tell her what is going on or should I just keep my mouth shut? I really like her and don’t want to hurt her like I was.

Signed:

Secret Keeper

Dear Secret Keeper:

Wow, well there are so many layers of your story that I fear it’s going to take a little bit for Good Enough Mother to wade through it all. And while I understand your hurt, you better keep your lip zipped and here’s why.

DEAL WITH THE FACTS

Creative Commons/Mike “Dakinewavamon” Kline

The biggest reason you need to keep quiet is that you don’t know the facts! You SUSPECT Mark is cheating on his wife but you don’t have irrefutable proof. Unless you catch him in a compromising embrace with a woman who he did not promise to love and cherish, pinning your case of infidelity on the fact that he stays out late or you saw him sneaking glances at his telephone, is shaky at best.

SPEAKING UP WILL CHANGE
YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Creative Commons/JohnFinn

Saying something about what you feel or suspect will be like dropping a bomb in the middle of this relationship and I don’t just mean between Mark and his wife. You have to be prepared (if you do say anything) to have your relationship with both of them changed, possibly irreparably so. If you tell your sister-in-law what you suspect, there’s a chance she might get angry…. WITH YOU! You’re talking about the man she loves so don’t be surprised if this raises her ire. Heck, she might already suspect something is going on; you bringing it to her attention (if there is even anything there) may force her into a corner. Or there might not be anything happening at all, in which case, you’ve cast aspersions on their marriage.

WHAT YOU SHOULD
DO NEXT

Creative Commons/Fusion.Design Studio

This is gonna be a tough pill to swallow but what you really need to do is work on you. That means taking a hard look at yourself and try to figure out why you are attracted to people who cheat on you. Then you need to come to terms with some of your own anger. You’re mad at the sisters of the guys you dated for not warning you about their infidelity but is that really their responsibility? You’re angry with the guys who did the cheating (understandable) and if I were a betting woman, I would say you’re also angry with yourself for picking so poorly. Focus that lens inside and work on saving you before you try to save others.

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Time for you to take a step back and by that I mean butt out. Let your brother and his wife handle their business. You handle yours.

Good luck!

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