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Ask Rene: How Could He Do This To Me?


Ask Rene:
How Could He Do This To Me?


Hi Rene:

My husband and I have been married for seven years. The first four were pretty good; he had a great job, we owned a home and had two kids, who I currently stay at home with. Then at the height of the recession, Jeff lost that job.

What followed was pure hell. We lost our home, had to move in with his family and ran through out entire savings.

About six months ago, Jeff got a better-paying job and we began to slowly rebuild our financial life. Then things got even better; Jeff was offered a promotion and a 40,000 a year raise!

And then he turned it down.

My husband is so unhappy in the environment where he works. He says it’s sucking the life out of him; he put on weight and dealt with  a blood pressure problem this year. He says he also wants to do something more creative. But him not taking the better job (salary) means we’re still stuck in this crappy apartment, clipping coupons and praying for life to get better.

Rene I’m so angry I don’t know what to do. What kind of man who’s caring for his family does that? Doesn’t he remember how bad it was for so long? I’m very worried because my anger with him has not only not gone away, it’s gotten worse and I fear his decision is going to tear our marriage apart.

Please help!

Disappointed and hurt



Dear Disappointed and hurt:

I understand you are hurting. I understand you are scared. What I am having a hard time with is, and forgive me, I don’t mean to pile on, is your attitude. This letter makes you sound a bit selfish. It might be time for a little soul-searching on your part. So here’s what I’m thinking and what I would do if I were you. 

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The basis of all good relationships is communication so it’s time to pull on your big girl britches and have a chat with the man you married. Tell him how you’re feeling and when you’re finished, listen to him (not with your arms crossed, wearing a smirk) as he explains what went into his decision-making. Maybe there’s more to the story and hearing it might help you understand.

Read more:  Monday Morning Motivation: The Best Is Yet To Come!



I’m not sure how much discussion he had with you about it, but it sounds like this was less about you and more about him (and his health), which, given that he is the primary bread-winner, ultimately is about you. You said it in your letter; Jeff has struggled with high blood pressure and his weight this year. Is cash and a casa to call your own worth a husband in an early grave? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around that, honestly.

Read  more: Ask Rene: My Kids Trashed Me Online! 


portrait of couple - blonde girl embraces man from behind. man's face in dark

Have you ever been in a job you hated or one where you knew you didn’t fit in? I have. It’s perhaps one of the worst experiences you can have in your adult life. What makes it worse is when you feel like you’re trapped and that misery spills over into other aspects of your life. If your husband is that unhappy, it will affect not only his health but your home life.  Why would you want that?

Read more: Why Reinvention ROCKS!


anger sign illustration design over a white background


Frankly, I’m a little baffled about what it is you’re most worried about. Is it money? Were you hoping that you could buy nice things or own a home again? You will be able to but maybe not right now. But what you can do now is look at the big picture. Weigh the comforts of a home against your husband’s physical, mental and emotional health. Then, if you can’t do it on your own, get help to work through your anger, maybe with a counselor or clergy member. Do it for the sake of your family, your marriage and your health.

 Read more: Good Enough Mother: How I Hit The Brink And Found My Way Back Again


You are not alone in clipping coupons and tightening belts; most of the country is going through some form of that.  Do what the majority of them are doing; Suck.It.Up. Maybe you can help shoulder some of the financial burden by getting a part-time job or finding ways to earn extra income from home.

The fact is there are options. Stop complaining and start looking.

Good luck!

Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away. And don’t forget to follow the conversation on Facebook and Twitter.

More from GEM:

Ask Rene: Why Didn’t Anyone Warn Me?!

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Ask Rene: Help! Can Work And Relaxation Go Hand-In-Hand?






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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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