I need help.. I have been with Sam for more than two years and he has always treated me good. But then I started seeing a change in him and, it turns out, he was smoking pot! Well he started treating me bad so I was always depressed; my parents hated seeing me like that.
One day he broke up with me because he wanted to actully make a chage and turn his life around! Well im taking him back but my parents wont give him another chance to show them that he has changed.He has quit smoking pot and has quit treating me badly. I forgot to say that they dont like his family either because they are into drugs!
I just really, really need some help. I love this boy and I want them to understand that! What can I say to them to get them to allow me to see him? Please respond!
Anxious in Alabama
Okay, my first question is, how old are you? I’m going to assume late teens or early 20’s; I gather that because it sounds like the opinion of your parents is still pretty important to you and that’s good. Sometimes it’s nice to have a fresh pair of eyes, someone completely unconnected to the situation to give an honest assessment and that’s what I’m going to do. But fair warning: you might not be happy with what I’m going to say. Regardless, I do hope you’ll listen and give it a good think. Now about Sam….
Sam treated you well initially and because of that you know, he has potential to do it again. He opened doors, treated to you meals, brought flowers, was considerate with the car radio, essentially all the things that people do when they start dating. Then the wheels came off when he started lighting up. He treated you poorly, went away, came back and swears things are going to be different. Uh huh….
See that picture up there? This is what Sam looks like to them. Maybe not with the tattoo, the snarl and the Bad Santa suit but you get my point. They trusted that Sam was going to love and care for you as much as they do. You are important to them and no parent wants to see their kid get hurt. Yet that’s what Sam did. He won your affection then stomped on your heart and blamed it on drugs. Now he says he’s clean but ask yourself this; can you really blame your folks for being skeptical? He’s had trouble with drugs, he comes from a family of people who do drugs and he’s hurt you before. Now he says he’s changed; are you really having trouble seeing why they don’t like him? Because I’m not. Not even a little bit.
WHAT I SEE
Now this is the part you’re not going to like. You can, should and do deserve better. So smoking pot changed him? Yeah, I call B.S. on that. Drugs and alcohol don’t change people as much as they lower inhibitions and reveal the real person. The fact that he comes from a family who is comfortable doing drugs (breaking the law) should flesh out this picture a little more for you.
You need to decide right now, what the rest of your life is going to look like. I’m not saying to NOT give Sam a chance, but in the words of President Ronald Reagan, trust but verify. Let Sam change (and make sure it sticks) before you take him back. His word is mud right now, to your parents and it should be to you too. Let him show his intentions with actions, not just talk about them.
Good luck to you!
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