Connect
To Top

Ask The Good Enough Guys: Porn Problem! Did Dad Handle This The Right Way?

Ask The Good Enough Guys:
Porn Problem! Did Dad Handle This The Right Way?

 

NEW FEATURE!

As you know this space was long occupied by our very cool, Will Jones, who gave awesome advice each weekend. But we’re giving him a well-deserved break, so we recruited some  strong, male voices who will take on some of the hot topics making news. Of course, since GEM is a collaborative environment, we want you to weigh in too.

We stumbled upon this article about a father who found porn on his son’s computer (his son had been visiting sites that mucked up the computer with all sorts of malware). The father came up with an interesting way of handling the situation; he wrote a note to his boy which, among other things, gave him permission to continue watching porn, even going as far as to leave links to “safe” sites (those without malicious software).

But was that the right way to handle the situation? Should he have talked to his wife about it? Was it right to leave links to “safe” sites? Definitely one for our Good Enough Guys..

1 of 7  

DAVE MANOUCHERI

He takes what I honestly think is a creative and novel approach.  In it, he tells his son he’s not angry: right approach.  The angrier I’ve gotten the less my kids hear when they are right in front of me.  But the writer glosses over real life, in a big way.  Would his son want his sister treated this way?  This is a moment to tell them how sex is a shared moment.  A computer can be replaced, but the damage for not knowing about what you’re seeing can leave damage forever (Read more of Dave here and on his site, Our Story Begins).

WILL JONES

Dad’s doing a good job, but his discussion is one-sided. I’d say it’s time to drag Mom in for some good-cop-bad-cop. Junior needs to learn that there’s a gray area between “normal” and “socially acceptable”.  Yes, this may be something that everyone does, but that doesn’t make it okay to pull a Peewee Herman at the local library. Having his actions explained by his dad and then dissected by his mom while he is present will give him a wholly different  perspective on his new-found hobby (Read more of Will here on the site).

MIKE McGINLEY

No, Irrelevant Ninja didn’t handle the situation right as a whole. Recommending “safe” porn sites for him doesn’t jive with me. It’s great that the dad sat back, thought about the situation, and was honest with the teen; being reasonable and realistic as a parent is great and really helps build strong relationships in families. But the dad has no business encouraging the watching of porn because, in my view, this leads to sex at too young an age.

I do respect the dad for not telling his wife, however, because I believe there are some things that should stay between father and son or mother and daughter. Props to the dad for not breaking “man code” on this one (More about Mike can be found here).

STONEY REYNOLDS

In my opinion a resounding “NO”
This father seems to be more worried about the “$1800 machine” than the short and long term effects of pornography on such a young male.  I would have gone to him and asked why he was surfing pornography and how I could answer any questions he had about either the acts themselves or the shallowness of the relationships represented.  Then I would explain to him that pornography can hinder a persons healthy sexual development as well as social development.

BENNETT CUNNINGHAM

No, I don’t think it was the right way to handle it.  I do not believe in the 2-dimensional theory of “parenting by paper.” In my opinion, a note stuck to a computer that porn is bad and I won’t tell mom teaches the adolescent teenager that dad is also embarrassed to talk about it – like it’s a sinful secret. Really? How about a face-to-face conversation from the get go? Pornography, in many forms, is harmless as it is entertaining. But, in its hardcore form, porn can be misogynic and breed hatred and violence toward women. This teenager needs to understand the beauty of sexual intercourse and it’s meaning both physical and emotional.

TREY BURLEY

No,  if that were my son I would’ve had a talk with him instead.  It’s not necessarily evil, but porn can be a poison to some people and control or ruin their lives.  The social morals and how that young man would grow up to treat women also need to be considered.  Sex and desire is normal for adults.  Children though don’t understand the power that it can have over them, which will in turn shape their lives.  Side note: Fascinating article about the psychological behaviors of heavy porn users online.  Their concentration on all things got worse, they got moody, sexual habits got more and more extreme and other things that lead credence to the ‘gateway drug’ theory (Read more of Trey on his site, DaddyMojo.net)

RANDY BACON

 

I say no for several reasons but for these three reasons specifically:
  • Morality.  He never mentioned what the moral standard and expectations of his family are.
  • Legality.  Most states have laws restricting minors from such sites and usually require some sort of warning prohibiting from allowing minors to enter or view.  I’m not a lawyer but I doubt the law will give you a pass to allow your child to access adult sites so you then are legally in violation of the laws protecting minors from porn.
  • Passive Parenting. “I would really like you to not be back there so much”(in my whinniest, punk-esh voice) should be replaced with “You are spending too much of your time on the computer.  It’s time you and I get better acquainted.”
Sounds to me like dad wants to be buddies and might be missing out on an opportunity to help craft a man.
***********************
Sooooooooo,  there you go, looks like our dad in question has a little more work to do, at least according to our guys. Although a creative way to communicate with your child, it’s missing the sensitivity of a face-to-face interaction giving the son time to ask questions and, more importantly, have the issue brought into the open.
Your turn.. how would you have handled this? Have you ever run into this with your kids? Sound off!
More from GEM:

1 of 7  

6 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

More in Family & Home

Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

Copyright © 2017 Good Enough Mother® Designed By ABlackWebDesign

Click to access the login or register cheese