ASK YOURSELF THIS:
WHY DO YOU WANT IT?
First, take a good look around; I can assure you that not everyone is dating someone. It only seems that way because that’s what you’re focused on. Then I want you to re-examine why you want this. Are you really desperate for a boyfriend or just don’t want to be lonely? Because the latter can be accomplished that with a dog. I’m serious. Relationships happen because there is an intense, mutual desire to be together, not because you picked someone as you would a pair of shoes. I was a teenager once so I know how hard it is to do your own thing but that is exactly what you must do. Doing things because everyone else is, is a bad habit to fall into. To be honest, from your letter, it sounds like you’re not quite ready for this. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
BEING ALONE BEATS BEING
WITH THE WRONG PERSON
Me as a Junior in high school, 1980
Remember the Homecoming dance I was telling you about? Well, I went with a guy everyone thought I should go with. “You’ll make a great couple!” they said. We had nothing in common (other than the fact that we were both black), the conversation was stilted and the evening was not a whole lot of fun. Like you, I thought dating someone, ANYONE, would make me happy. It did not. What you should be concentrating on now is finding ways to may yourself happy, irrespective of someone else. What do you like to do? Plan your future (which seems like it’s far off; it is not). Where will you go to school? What do you want to study? Volunteer somewhere. There are plenty of places that could use someone young and energetic. Do you see what I’m getting at here? Take this time to mold and shape you without the influence of someone else.
THERE IS SUCH A THING AS
HAPPILY EVER AFTER
Me at my 30-year class reunion, Del Campo High School
Somehow I turned out okay for a girl who was one of the most unpopular kids in school. Though I never dated steadily in high school, I did my fair share in college and beyond. But by that time I knew more about myself and the kind of men I wanted to spend time with. One of them I married, but not until I was 31. Prior to that I spent my time traveling, working on my career and just being with me.
I guess the thing I really want you to take from this is that life is long; what you are experiencing in high school, though intense now, is but a tiny snapshot of a bigger picture. No need to be “desperate for a boyfriend”; that time will come. But you will be more attractive to someone when you know who you are and what you want instead of a girl desperate to be with someone just because everyone else is.
Good luck and thanks for writing!
Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away. And don’t forget to follow the conversation on Facebook and Rene on Twitter!
More from GEM:
Ask Rene: Should I Worry About My Ex’s New Wife’s Mental Health?
Ask Rene: How Do I Handle My Granddaughter’s Grabby Guy?
Ask Rene: Can I Date My Sister’s Crush?
4 Comments