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Ask Rene: Will My Husband Ruin My Reunion?

 

Hi Rene:

My 30th high school reunion is coming up in September. I wish I were a little thinner, had accomplished a bit more, but I’ve reconnected with classmates on Facebook and I’m excited to see them again.

The thing is, I’m not sure what to do with my husband. We went together to his 30th last year, but other than the gap since graduation, nothing is the same.

His reunion was at a hotel downtown, just a short drive away. He sees some of his classmates regularly, some less often.

My high school is 500 miles away. I haven’t seen my classmates in 30 years, because my family moved. My husband has never been to my hometown. We LIVE in his.

I asked him a year ago to please come with me, and he said yes, although I think he’d just as soon stay home. Now I’m wondering what to do. The reunion schedule has come out and it lasts from a Thursday night reception through a Saturday dinner dance. I’d love to do it all, which means taking two days off work in addition to the thousand miles of round-trip travel. I don’t mind, because I’ve known some of these people since I was 5 years old.

He might be bored out of his mind, though. Is it selfish of me to suggest he just stay behind so I can have fun and not worry about keeping him entertained?

Oldie But Goodie

Hey OBG:

Oh, I am so feelin’ ya on this one especially in light of the fact that my 30-year class reunion was last summer. And you know where my husband was while I was out partying with classmates in California? At home. In New York. Yep. Buff didn’t want to go and I didn’t want to take him. Does that mean our marriage is in trouble? Not hardly. But this is not about me; it’s about you and it’s pretty clear you’re split on this one. Let’s look at the two scenarios, even though it’s clear which way I’m leaning.

*HE GOES WITH YOU: Let’s assume the two of you go to the reunion together. The goal is for you (and him) to have a good time, but ask yourself, will that happen? Will he want to hear about how you were the only girl cut from the high school flag team (um, yeah that was me), about playing volleyball in Mrs. Swope’s P.E. class (Yes, that was me too and she was my favorite teacher), or who was out in the back forty gettin’ high (that was NOT me)? I doubt it. I mean he’ll probably be polite but will ultimately tire of the bad chicken, 80’s music and will probably be ready to slip away with the wait staff after the 17th rendition of your school fight song. Yes I know it’s good, but 17 times followed by inebriated laughter? Really? As for you, you’ll probably spend the evening going out of your way to make him feel comfortable, which means the people you really want to catch up with you won’t be listening to because, in your effort to loop him into the conversation, you will be swiveling more than people at the U. S. Open.

*HE STAYS HOME: THIS! I know I’m biased and you know it too, based on what I told you at the top of your letter. But as you said, you have known some of these people since you were five-years-old. You have decades to catch up on. It would be nice to be able to do that without him giving the polite laugh and stealing glances at his watch. He might not do that. Then again, he might.

I do think there’s a pretty easy fix here.

a) Ask your husband if he even wants to go. If he does want to go, let him know he doesn’t have to attend ALL the events with you; maybe he can just go to the dinner/party. If he doesn’t want to go, you’re golden. Go party like a rock star and dance to Journey all night long.

b) Make sure you stay in the hotel where the gathering is being held so if he wants to leave, he need only go upstairs; the lure of a fluffy bed and over-priced mini-bar goodies might be too great to ignore.

c) And lastly, I would take a side trip-just the two of you, that has nothing to do with the reunion. That way he gets something out of going, other than a pocketful of business cards and a plate of cheese and crackers. And a huge bill for the mini-bar.

Good luck to you. Do you have a question for Rene? She has an answer. Click here and fire away. And don’t forget to follow the conversation on Facebook and Twitter.

I want my readers to weigh in on this one. Did you go with your spouse to his/her high school reunion? Did you want to? How did you feel? What would you tell this woman to do?

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2 Comments

  1. Whitney

    June 20, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    My 30th reunion was in 2010 and he was OK….just ok. He got bored, we left early after the dinner/dance and I wanted to stay longer, especially after being on the committee. So if there is a 35th reunion, he can stay home.

  2. Lee

    July 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    I went with my husband to his 20th and had a ball because I’m a people-person and loved hearing the stories about him in high school. He went with me to my 10th and had a ball because he fit right in and loved hearing about me. We danced the night away, had a great time and were among the last to leave both. It really depends on the couple. For some, the husband or wife should probably stay home. If you’re like we were, go have a great time and hear about what your honey was like as a teen. There’s no right or wrong answer. Whatever works for the couple.

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Combing the aisles at Target in search of the best deal on Cheerios, it hit Rene Syler like the stench of a dirty diaper on a hot summer’s day. Not only is perfection overrated its utterly impossible! Suddenly empowered, she figuratively donned her cape, scooped up another taco kit for dinner and Good Enough Mother was born.

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